OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Probably sounds familiar

**Posted by jamieblunt** November 4, 2021 10:02 am

so an odd thing wound me up this morning
stbx left her purse on my computer bench so i picked it up to move it and it fell open and where she has had a picture of me kissing her cheek (when we first met) she had taken it out or moved it behind another photo, anyway it wasn't where it has been for years, i know we are over and heading for divorce but this really got to me, so i emailed her at work asking if she would like me to turn our wedding photo around so she couldn't see it, she just replied not to email as her colleagues may see it,
not sure why it wound me up so much, maybe because she "still loves me" so why be so petty? it just seemed ruthless to me

on other news i have my first/initial meeting with a solicitor next Thursday

Gloria i am not sure i am in shock anymore, i'm a pragmatist and stbx moving out means we get personally poorer, i floated the idea as a way to cohabit and keep the family unit together but stbx was not happy about the idea, i still think she is teritorrial over me (of which she no longer has a right to be) and would struggle as much as me if i were going out to meet with another women, obviously in her eyes she is doing nothing wrong as she is just making "friends" not cedeing the point that the friends she is making are the same sex as the attraction she now has.

Last edited by jamieblunt (November 4, 2021 10:07 am)

**Posted by Daryl** November 4, 2021 5:14 pm

Yes, there will likely be various things you will notice that sting deeply. It's like an attempt at erasing the past or an inconvenient present. I noticed a designation of 'single' on an online profile and also that I soon became the only person wearing a ring.

**Posted by jamieblunt** November 5, 2021 2:34 am

good point stbx took her ring off months ago, saying her fingers had swollen and it was too tight, i took it at face value now i wonder, i'm really not trying to gaslight myself into thinking everything she does is an attack on me but its flipping hard not to.
i woke up angry today as i am off for a movie night with a friend (we do it once every three or so months)
and she hijacked my night away so i had to get the parents involved to look after my daughter, she told me that it was out with her work colleagues to a firework display, knowing that i would say yes as i want her to make new friends, i found out last week it was with her new lesbian group, so this morning i gave her both barrels of how she manipulated me and why a grown women was going to a firework display without her daughter (daughter would not want to go with me so no point asking, i almost had to kidnap her to go bowling last week even though after the fact she loved it and wants to go again with me)

i told her if becoming a lesbian makes you manipulative and duplicitous then i want no part of her new life and if she likes we can start divorce proceedings asap, told her i don't hate her for becoming a lesbian but everything around it in her behaviour is so sneaky and mean spirited its turning her into not a nice person and she really isnt a bad person.

anyhow now resolved to split the bank accounts before xmas so only family stuff is coming out of the joint account, we bought a new car for her last year and i am gifting that plus the savings we have for the final lump sum but she can take on the monthly payments and organising it all as a start on her new life journey and having to manager her own finances.

**Posted by Abby** November 5, 2021 6:19 am

Do consult an attorney before you delve into financial distributions. If a car loan was made in your name, you remain on the hook for it as far as the lender is concerned. If she agrees to make the payments but doesn't then the default is on your credit record, not a good thing when you are trying to buy a home.

**Posted by Daryl** November 5, 2021 8:01 am

It's not necessarily an attack, but we are inconvenient truths. And yes, that was manipulative of her, and revealing of her current priorities.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** November 5, 2021 2:18 pm

jamieblunt wrote:
good point stbx took her ring off months ago, saying her fingers had swollen and it was too tight,.....

15 - 20 years ago my partner gave me a Pounamu... (Google it). Each Pounamu shape has meaning behind it. Mine was Eternity. It meant the world to me. I gave him his own, he chose the fish hook. The leather necklace on mine snapped. I thought about having it fixed but gradually realized it didn't matter anymore, it has lost meaning for me

My partner is still wearing his. He has never mentioned the fact I no longer wear mine. It has no meaning to him you see. That.... Is one of the big differences I now see between us

Elle

**Posted by jamieblunt** November 6, 2021 4:51 am

Thanks Abby good point, i will be sure to contact the credit company and see if i can change the name mid contract

**Posted by jamieblunt** November 6, 2021 4:57 am

I messed up so badly last night with my Son, i was having a beer and movies night with a good friend of mine and got hammered, i had been so upbeat all day and because stbx had hijacked my evening i had to check in on my son as he was home alone until she got back.
short version is i didnt out my stbx but i did via text tell him we are getting divorced, i rang him as soon as i realised what i had done and he was upset, i'm not sad he knows as the more warning the better but it was such a shockingly crap thing to do without me being in the room to hug him, im waiting for him to wake up so we can talk about it(im back home now) and so i can say sorry for the upteenth time. i have asked stbx if we cant tell them both about "her" as it makes more context than us just giving up on marriage but she is dead set against that, which is not making me happy.
anyhow i very much lost my not a bad dad crown last night so need to work extra hard to get it back.

i think the stbx was wanting an apology form me as i told her what i had done and she broke off her lesbian firework party to go home although she didn't seem to get home any earlier than she was going to anyway. anyhow the only person that needs my apologies for this is my son, if she had not hijacked my night out (and lied about who she was seeing) i would not have had to check in with my son to make sure he was ok(hes old enough to be home alone but it doesnt stop me worrying)

**Posted by Gloria** November 6, 2021 8:30 am

So sorry that you went through this. Your son does need to know that his mother is a lesbian. She needs to tell him but if she doesn't, I would tell him.

**Posted by Daryl** November 6, 2021 9:15 am

Seems your spouse would like a closet for all, for you to help build it, and then to please step inside. I think kids deserve truth, appropriate for their age group of course. I would not apologize for speaking truth. Perhaps the time and method could have been better executed, but the message still needs to be delivered. I expect you now need to speak with your daughter because siblings do talk. Do you want to be the parent who demonstrates that lying, when it's convenient, is acceptable? Eventually the truth will be revealed along with the lie.