OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Husband's secrets have broken me

**Posted by Daryl** September 11, 2021 9:33 am

confusedseas wrote:
He says he takes care of the house while I am away at work (sometimes its months) and I realize that there is some basic maintenance required there. I don't mean for this to sound cold, but "taking care of the house" is something I could do remotely. We had recently purchased a property and he was working on that - again, I could have hired it out.

So its hard for me to see what exactly his is working on. I pay all of the bills with the exception of our health insurance.

I was thinking more along the lines of what is he working on to make your relationship improve, curb his issues and make you feel more validated in it? When you married, were you looking for a maintenance/groundskeeper person or something a bit more than that?

I second longwayhome's list of questions you should ask yourself. Be kind to yourself. This isn't the sort of stuff we should have to tackle in life, but here we are.

**Posted by confusedseas** September 11, 2021 11:46 am

Daryl wrote:
I was thinking more along the lines of what is he working on to make your relationship improve, curb his issues and make you feel more validated in it? When you married, were you looking for a maintenance/groundskeeper person or something a bit more than that?

I second longwayhome's list of questions you should ask yourself. Be kind to yourself. This isn't the sort of stuff we should have to tackle in life, but here we are.

Ahhh, well, that’s a good question, he doesn’t seem to be working on anything emotional/validation wise. If anything he’s more indifferent. We are just sharing space, there’s zero intimacy

**Posted by confusedseas** October 25, 2021 8:06 am

I wanted to write a follow up to my post.

My husband and I have filed for divorce and everything will be final before the end of the year. To be honest, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me. I no longer have to carry that feeling that something is off, or that something is wrong.

To be honest, my soon to be ex agreed to the divorce quickly and painlessly. I almost feel like he realized the illusion was broken and now that I know/knew what was going on, he just wanted me out of the picture.

I’m feeling better, still a long way to go but I haven’t felt this light in a long time. There is hope, for all of us going through this

**Posted by Soaplife** October 25, 2021 9:37 am

Confusedseas, I know there are mixed emotions during a divorce and you probably don't feel like one but - WHAT A BAD-ASS. Three months from first posting here to divorce finalised - some kinda record.

I wish you peace and happiness for the future - the truth really does set you free.

**Posted by confusedseas** October 25, 2021 6:32 pm

Soaplife wrote:
Confusedseas, I know there are mixed emotions during a divorce and you probably don't feel like one but - WHAT A BAD-ASS. Three months from first posting here to divorce finalised - some kinda record.

I wish you peace and happiness for the future - the truth really does set you free.

There are a lot of mixed emotions for sure. As for being a bad ass, hahaha, well thank you. I should preface that this decision was about 8-9 months in the making. Starting with D-Day when I found his online activity.

Before that it was several years of gas lighting and red flags.

But, it’s over now. And maybe we can both be happy again (whatever that looks like for either of us)