What you had to say about sex with your trans-identifying partner was so familiar to me, and so triggering, that I wasn't able to reply to you right away.  But because I know how traumatizing it is to have your partner insisting that you engage sexually while at the same time invalidating your sexuality, and holding your sexuality against you, I'm replying now to say this:  Nothing I did was more damaging to me long term than having sex with my partner in my attempts to accommodate the new reality I was presented with. 

 Your partner's actions as you describe them indicate that your welfare and happiness are of no concern to him.  I suspect, because of my experience with my trans-identified now-ex, that your partner's actions in bed indicate that he wanted to engage with you not as a male but as a female, and that when you responded to his overtures in the way you were used to, that was unacceptable.  (I was told, once, "I feel like you're asking me to be more male!")  That your partner's response was silence was an abuser's form of punishment (it's called "the silent treatment"). 

I understand that there are people on this site who believe none of us should offer others advice, but because I have still not overcome that damage I'm offering it, in the interest of sparing you the same trauma.  Don't have sex with your partner.  

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (August 8, 2021 9:32 am)