OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Beyond Confused

**Posted by Ladyfair1** July 28, 2021 11:27 pm

I posted on here last year about my Boyfriend possibly being gay,well things seem to have changed...significantly,he still hasn't admitted to being gay but I believe he is

Why?...he's been dating this woman since January of this year,yet he keeps her pretty much "secret" from everyone,no pda between each other, (yes I confronted him about her,cause he kept referring her as "my friend") he told me he hadn't moved in w/her because she lives w/ her sister.

Fast forward to this month, unfortunately he had been diagnosed w/ cancer,has had surgery,successfully removed the tumor from his leg, well..while he was having surgery, I was a bit curious about this GF..even his own mother knows nothing about her,he doesn't speak of her,if it hadn't been for me,she wouldn't of known,his sister actually admitted he had a GF.

Anyways on his GF Facebook she had links to websites,one was to her blog, so I checked it out,nothing really odd,that was until I scrolled half way down,my jaw hit the floor,a picture of her w/ the entry "I prefer pronouns she/her/they/them/theirs I am proud to be a Queer, BIPOC"...excuse me?

shes evidently gay,and I also believe her "sister" is actually her partner,thus is why he hasn't moved in w/her and..she's pretending to be his GF.

so..am I reading too much into this?

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** July 28, 2021 11:36 pm

Am I right in thinking you are no longer involved with this man?
If so...what does it matter?

**Posted by Ladyfair1** July 28, 2021 11:42 pm

No I am not with him anymore,but he lied to me..and I wasted almost 10 yrs of my life w/ him AND we moved out of state to start our lives together,only to do this to me.so YES..it does matter.

**Posted by Soaplife** July 29, 2021 12:31 am

Wow Ladyfair that's quite a discovery. No wonder you are angry and looking for answers.

Sadly you won't ever get the truth from your ex-boyfriend. If he thought deceiving you was a-ok when you were together, he's not going to suddenly turn into Honest Abe now you are not together.

The only way to deal with this kind of chaos is to cease participating. Yes it sucks and yes it is unjust. But if you keep expecting justice and fair play from liars you will keep on being disappointed. You've found that out already.

So he left kind and caring you to ride the crazy train. Now he has cancer. To me that is as spectacularly close to karma as you are going to get.

So go No Contact. Abide by his choice. He left a good thing with you for - whatever that was you saw on facebook. He voted with his feet.

So block him on every avenue of communication and start working towards a better, saner life for you. It is hard but it gets easier the further away from it you get, believe me.

Not your circus, not your monkeys. In a few months you'll be saying to yourself "what was I thinking?".

((Hugs))

PS get tested for STIs. I'm sorry.
And if you own anything together and/or have joint bank accounts or credit cards get legal/financial advice to get out of those arrangements as soon as possible. Cheating liars also steal stuff. Double sorry.

Last edited by Soaplife (July 29, 2021 12:37 am)

**Posted by Ladyfair1** July 29, 2021 12:45 am

I know what you're saying,and it's all true..my heart breaks especially for his ex-wife whose still in the dark about this and his 2 daughters as well it's very selfish on his part, as for me I have moved on,though I refuse to date anymore, I've buried 2 husbands before him,an abusive alcoholic and a drug addict who left me destitute,I thought this guy..was the one, HA! as for getting tested, did that,I'm clean ;)

**Posted by Soaplife** July 29, 2021 1:31 am

These people make such messes of the lives of everyone who gets involved with them.

Glad you are trying to move on.