OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / What I wish I could tell my still-legally husband

**Posted by onceuponatime** July 22, 2021 12:12 pm

What I think about you:
That you were a coward for not dealing with your feelings a long time ago.
That I hope one day you love somebody as much as I loved you, believe that that person loves you and will always be there for you, that you have found your best friend, and someone that accepts you just the way you are. That you feel like the luckiest person in the world for having that person next to you, that you wonder how you got to be so lucky. And that one day, that person stops loving you, and takes everything you ever believed to be true from you. That you feel abandoned, betrayed, and hopeless, with a big whole where your heart used to be. That all your plans for your life are erased with just a few words. That you are left picking up the pieces of your life and wondering how you ever ended up in that situation. When all of that happens, you will finally understand the impact your decisions have had in my life.
And really, go f&ck yourself.

**Posted by SusanneH** July 22, 2021 12:50 pm

I’m sorry you’re hurting. Hope that helped 😊.

(((((HUGS)))))

Susanne

**Posted by LostAtSea** July 22, 2021 1:58 pm

Once,

Your post sums up EXACTLY what I wrote to the "other"!!!!

My only wish out of all this is that he experiences the pain and hurt. The next person who enters his life, I hope they deceive and betray him and shatters his world. In fact, I CAN NOT wait till this happens. I seriously pray for this as it will be the ONLY way he will understand what he has done to me and my family.

I hope someone deceives him so that he will understand the trauma he has inflicted on me that will scar me for life.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** July 22, 2021 2:25 pm

onceuponatime wrote:
.....And really, go f&ck yourself.

Yeah I've thought of writing some stuff down to tell him how I think, what I hope for him, but I know it would mean nothing to him. He wouldn't keep it....to read later....to read again. If it was an email he'd delete it, if it was written it would end up in the rubbish.
He's a man who puts no stock in keeping anything 'emotional' (unless it's about history (war), or his own family, old photos, I have detached from him so much I don't see the point of trying to 'get to him'

I do have an email draft I started writing out a couple of years ago, telling my story, of my disappointment, sadness, my distress....but that is for my children to read when the time comes

Once....you need to put the u (you) into the "fuck you"

Elle

**Posted by newtotheclub** July 22, 2021 3:03 pm

onceuponatime wrote:
What I think about you:
That you were a coward for not dealing with your feelings a long time ago.
That I hope one day you love somebody as much as I loved you, believe that that person loves you and will always be there for you, that you have found your best friend, and someone that accepts you just the way you are. That you feel like the luckiest person in the world for having that person next to you, that you wonder how you got to be so lucky. And that one day, that person stops loving you, and takes everything you ever believed to be true from you. That you feel abandoned, betrayed, and hopeless, with a big whole where your heart used to be. That all your plans for your life are erased with just a few words. That you are left picking up the pieces of your life and wondering how you ever ended up in that situation. When all of that happens, you will finally understand the impact your decisions have had in my life.
And really, go f&ck yourself.

So i am just confused about the fact that they are so chill about robbing someone of true happiness. What do we think of Karma.. i wonder do you have to have a personality disorder to fuck with somone's life this way. I feel like i am in a nightmare and my husband is worried about what people will think of him! ridiculous

**Posted by EmpathyStarved** July 22, 2021 4:41 pm

Ugh I feel this and I hope it's helpful for you to at least write it down and put it out there. I've tried many times to get my GEX to understand the trauma and devastation his lies and actions have caused, but I don't think it ever really hits home. I never get genuine apologies or any real empathy from him, hence my username.

**Posted by Heartbroken49** July 22, 2021 6:15 pm

OMG I could have wrote this word for word. I feel your pain but we will get through this ❤️ I just struggle to understand how someone we have spent years with can treat us this way, be so deceitful, not give a sh#t about the hurt they have caused. And actually think they are entitled to go and enjoy their new life. Not a chance. They robbed us of a normal relationship, lied and treated us as a fill in, till they were ready to expose their secrets. I can’t help the bitterness I feel. I hope one day We all get to the point of not dissecting every part of our lives with our significant other and find our happiest days, either with someone who loves us wholly or just happy living our best lives. Good luck to all of us, our happy ever after is around the corner 🤞💔

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** July 22, 2021 9:30 pm

MJM017 wrote:
....

LOL@
The Wicked Witch of The West (aka Maria)

Elle

**Posted by TangledOil** July 22, 2021 9:48 pm

Once,

What would be the harm in telling him? It seems like it would make you feel better to get this off your chest. Try to go in as neutral as possible, not angry (even though I understand that you are), and tell him. Is it not safe for you to do so? Would you be putting yourself at risk?

Tangled

**Posted by Daryl** July 22, 2021 10:26 pm

I've often heard the suggestion of writing a letter to the one who wronged you, but not to send it.
The therapy is in the composition of your thoughts, expressing what you didn't, or couldn't say at the time.

Personally, I doubt there's much value in sending the message or telling the person. They may not care. It could escalate tensions or be dangerous. Is some cases, you might be exposing yourself to an attempt to change your mind, or charm you back into a situation that would be unhealthy for you. You may be setting yourself up for a rebuttal that you are bitter, or were the problem all along. Your partner (or former) could use a letter or conversation like this as spin to portray himself as the victim and you the perpetrator.

If any of us had an ex or current partner, with enough of a moral compass to feel some remorse at their actions, I doubt they would have put us in these situations to begin with.

Last edited by Daryl (July 22, 2021 10:27 pm)