Hey Joe. My wife of 22 years, together 30, came out to me as gay on July12 2020. She was my everything, we have a 10 year son that means the world to us. so I know the pain ,all too well. My best advice? Be kind to yourself. Don't blame yourself for any of this.Have you told anyone close to you? Friends of family? if not, you may want to consider this,mI told my sister that day after D day and I don't know what I would have done without her. It has been a year, and I find myself getting stronger each and every day. We are still living together ,but we now give each other the space we need. Be prepared for the roller coaster, it's a bitch! But just remember, it does get better!   Good luck Joe, One day at a time, one hour at a time if needed. We have been where you are now, and it sucks! But know that there are people here with a wealth of knowledge that will help you through this journey, good luck !

Joe91, well that sux. She didn't talk to you about her doubts or feelings. She actually went ahead and decided to secretly have sex with someone other than you. That is cheating. And thats a character problem not a sexuality problem.

Its what you want that matters now. If its a dealbreaker, go. If you want to try and work it out, best of luck. Just remember she was prepared to blow up your marriage for a secret f*ck.

Keep strong and honest however you decide to navigate through the pain and emotional fallout from her betrayal - the only way is through.

Here's my story:  https://www.chumplady.com/2019/06/dear-chump-lady-my-wife-cheated-with-a-woman/ .  I wrote to Chump Lady at the suggestion of another wonderful straight spouse on this board.

I'm sorry you are here.  My ex-wife blamed her same-sex affair on me (!!), a mid-life crisis, her hyper conservative upbringing, blah, blah, blah.  Don't spend time getting sucked into that nonsense.  Infidelity is infidelity, and it hurts like the worst form of hell on Earth that there is.  (Trust my firsthand experience.). And it is never earned, deserved or justified.  The only thing you did wrong was not being the lesbian that your wife was too cowardly to tell you she needed.  And trust me, your wife knew about her same-sex attraction long ago but decided it would be better (for her) to keep it secret from you.

I got out, and I'm thrilled that I did.  I am now in a very healthy, mutually respectful and loving relationship with a beautiful straight spouse.  Chump Lady sent me an additional line of advice:  "Hang in there.  Do the hard things.  Life is so much better on the other side of a fuckwit."

I cannot give you better advice than that.