OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Advice on leaving. Please help

**Posted by AuroraMoon** July 17, 2021 10:52 am

So he last time I told him I wanted a separation he got angry and said he wouldn't leave the house. If I wanted to separate then I should be the one to leave. He gas lit and manipulated me into thinking it was all my fault so I stayed the last few months. I'm ready to leave but I have nowhere stable to go, especially not somewhere I can take my son. If I leave him here, will I have trouble getting custody later on?

Last edited by AuroraMoon (July 17, 2021 10:53 am)

**Posted by Lynne** July 17, 2021 11:08 am

Hi Aurora, Possibly. Don't take the chance. You've put up with a lot and now (like most of us) you have to draw from every speck of energy and patience you have left to make sure you and your son have the best possible outcome. You need to find an attorney now for advice and guidance.

Last edited by Lynne (July 17, 2021 11:09 am)

**Posted by AuroraMoon** July 17, 2021 11:44 am

I will, thank you

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** July 17, 2021 12:22 pm

AuroraMoon,
Yes, go see a lawyer, and make your plans based on what the lawyer tells you. In order to protect your rights when it comes to child custody, don't simply leave and move into a rental before you see a lawyer and ask for advice. However, if you can't stand to be in the house with him, can you go and "visit" a relative or friend (with our without your child)? If you can, that would get you away from him, and also give you the space to make arrangements to see the lawyer without his knowledge.

**Posted by TakenbySurprise** July 17, 2021 11:20 pm

Do not leave your child or the marital home. It could be construed as abandonment. Consult an attorney.

**Posted by SusanneH** July 18, 2021 12:14 pm

AuroraMoon,

I don’t have anything to add. Just want to give you my support and say I’m really sorry you’re going through all of this. Stay strong and know you are doing all right.

You’ve been given some sound advice.

(((((HUGS)))))

**Posted by Rob** July 18, 2021 5:02 pm

Aurora,

I did not leave my home..it was very hard..we were together even several months after the actual divorce.

Benefits were I did not have to pay for the house and a rental. And I got to see my kids everyday.

It's not for the faint of heart but it can be used as a tool in the divorce..i.e. you want me to leave, sign the settlement.

My top suggestion when living I. This state is make sure you have a "safe spot" in the home..someplace where you feel safe from the abuse.

Wishing you strength and stoicism.