longwayhome wrote:

C) I am right, and the subsequent out pouring of repression leads to collateral emotional damage to my son and wife.

I would add you in this option: add possible psychological abuse in the mix too. I’m not sure of the age of your son, but it is a super critical consideration. Again, just my opinion.

Lundy Bancroft is your answer. Add in your own personal flavour, but make sure you follow the script.

It will minimize the chance of adding to the already toxic mix that exits within them, it’s not in you, don’t feed into any of it.

Think if it as s type of skilled fencing (as in sport, sad I know, but it is what is is). She’s had the skills all along, it’s us who is behind the eight ball, so to speak. We didn’t even know we were playing at this.

We each must follow our own paths. But there are definite pathways one can choose to take that will at least minimize risk of harm, including for the offending spouse.

You don’t truly know what you are dealing with. A lot of this, in my opinion, touches on their own mental health wellness.

Your son can’t make any of these decisions to protect his own mental health. Perhaps he is totally dependent you to ensure this. Regardless of age, it all has negative impacts no matter how you slice it.
Take care.

Pardon me. Who is Lundy Bancroft?

Lundy Bancroft author of  "Why Does He Do That? inside the minds of angry and controlling men"

Lynne wrote:

lily wrote:

but, but but but she spluttered - your entire list of possibilities were all based on the belief that she doesn't know she is gay.  

Sorry.  

but what about the possibility that she knows she is gay but is not being honest with you about it.  


 

Or she isn't gay. 
Edited:  Sorry. I see this possibility is covered in A. 

It is a distinct possibility I am aware of. I think I mentioned in my first post that there was a recent “coming out” by her nephew. The following attempted discussion about the relief of not living in the closet produced a bizarre reaction that looked very much like fear or anxiety. I almost wish that I am totally wrong in all of this. If it is to be this truth, I am not sure where it would leave me in the long term. A new unknown and a new start I suppose. A final personal irony for me in that my old Headmaster always called me a hopeless romantic. Potentially the very definition of a hopeless romance.