yeah that sounds horrible, sorry to hear of it.  that 'ok' was given under duress - totally unacceptable - dump the therapist.  I wonder if she's a bisexual - that turned out to be the case with the therapist I saw.
 

Aurora Moon,

   So...although your husband did not fill out his half of the intake form, your therapist then rewarded him for this by asking him questions and allowing him to go first?   She made the session about him, and put you on the defensive from the get-go by saying she only had your "side."  (What an adversarial set-up that idea of "sides" is!  A terrible move by the therapist.)   I wonder why she didn't say to your husband, "As you haven't provided me your information yet, I'll start by asking your wife to begin."   No wonder you were upset: your husband has put you into the position of having to react to his behavior, and then the therapist repeated this move by putting you in the position of having to react to his story.  

  I also wonder what she would have said if you, in response to her telling you that your husband has to do the work on his own sexuality, were to have said, "I agree he has to figure himself out for himself, by himself, and I think that it would be a good idea if we separated while he does that work, so he can concentrate on doing it.  While we're separated, it seems to me we each need an individual therapist, with the plan of maybe coming back together for marriage counseling after we've both sorted out where we are and what we want."

   I agree that a therapist for you alone, one trained in trauma, would be very helpful to you, and WAY more supportive.  You need validation and a focus on your needs, and couples counseling is not going to provide that.
 As to this particular therapist, you've seen her, you've seen that she has no experience in this area, and there is really no reason for you to continue with a person you don't feel knows enough to counsel you, and who has made you feel unsafe during your first meeting.  You shop around for a therapist, just as you do for any other service, and if the fit isn't good, you find someone else. 

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (April 7, 2021 5:29 pm)

That sounds really awful, but I'm happy to see you are making your needs a priority and taking a step back from what is really your husband's "stuff."

It's OK to go at the pace that feels right to you...It's also OK to draw a line in the sand. What you are going through....marriage should never be this complicated or painful. I also used meditation to calm the "fight-or-flight" response. Michael Sealey's soothing voice (and lovely Australian accent!)  helped me fall asleep. I recommend meditation to anyone who needs a little help quieting their mind.
 

Last edited by Julian_Stone (April 7, 2021 8:59 am)

Any couple’s therapist who allows a straight woman to get dragged back into the closet by her transwoman-loving husband who wants to “suck cock” should issue a refund.

Last edited by Blue Bear (April 7, 2021 2:22 pm)

OutofHisCloset wrote:

Aurora Moon,

  I also wonder what she would have said if you, in response to her telling you that your husband has to do the work on his own sexuality, were to have said, "I agree he has to figure himself out for himself, by himself, and I think that it would be a good idea if we separated while he does that work, so he can concentrate on doing it.  While we're separated, it seems to me we each need an individual therapist, with the plan of maybe coming back together for marriage counseling after we've both sorted out where we are and what we want." 

 
I don't know, but I wish I would have said that!