OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Help!

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** January 27, 2021 12:16 pm

Maya wrote:
......
I feel the same way asking why God has allowed this to happen. I need to harness that strength to go on .

I'm not religious but I do believe it wasn't *your* god who allowed this to happen it was his.
Your god is right behind you making you strong. And you are

Elle

**Posted by Maya** January 27, 2021 12:46 pm

Thank you...
one day at a time till I know I’m ready to confront him.

**Posted by Epiphany** January 27, 2021 1:29 pm

Maya, please keep us posted. We have a 15-20 min consultation with our counselor tomorrow but I’m so anxious to talk to her alone. I’ve mentioned before wanting to know everything but then there’s a side of me that tells me to hang on and try. I need time and I’m worried about finding something that will put me over the edge. It’s not smart of me to rush this financially etc...I’m curious what kind of advice your counselor will give you. Though every situation is different, I feel like we are in the same exact boat right now. Best of luck!!! 🍀

- Epiphany

**Posted by Maya** January 27, 2021 2:30 pm

Epiphany, I have a telehealth counselling on Tuesday at noon . For the meantime , this forum and that zoom support have been helpful . I plan on seeing our parish priest too . I thought I have already seen the worst , seeing a sexting chain with their photos !!! And also an empty enema bottle on his backpack !!
My 14 year old son , who so is so sweet and caring , always greet me in the morning . I asked him if he pray .,, he said he has been praying daily for the last month . He told me this morning ... “mom , I’m a teen now, I can sense things . “ He told me “ mom, you’re eyes look tired... “ I haven’t really cried , maybe almost , but just teary.

I’m feeling “ not worse “ right now. He just texted me at noon , if we could go to the gym this evening after his work. Take one day at time ... ❤️

**Posted by Julian_Stone** January 27, 2021 3:04 pm

Maya wrote:
My 14 year old son , who so is so sweet and caring , always greet me in the morning . I asked him if he pray .,, he said he has been praying daily for the last month . He told me this morning ... “mom , I’m a teen now, I can sense things . “ He told me “ mom, you’re eyes look tired... “ I haven’t really cried , maybe almost , but just teary.

This made me tear up. Kids are definitely more receptive than we give them credit for. One of my biggest regrets is letting my daughter (then 3 years old) see me in tears in those early days post-disclosure when I was so incredibly overwhelmed with emotions...Though she didn't understand what was going on (of course), she started crying, too...and we just held one another. It is so very hard going through this with kids....and worrying about the effect this will have on them now ....and in their future adult relationships. I know I would never want my mother to stay in this kind of relationship.

**Posted by Maya** January 29, 2021 7:27 am

I am gearing up to talk to him this Saturday. There’s just too much information I’m finding out each day without even trying hard . He is just reckless , disrespectful ... just in due time will catch HIV or other STD’s . I found a copy of result of recent STD panel testing dated the past October !! Non detected so far ! But he is taking medicine for preventive (?)
When he is at home , his mind is somewhere else or just on his phone. He is not spending time with the kids ...what’s the point of this emotional and mental tolrture !

Last edited by Maya (January 29, 2021 7:59 am)

**Posted by Maya** January 29, 2021 8:02 am

Julian_Stone wrote:
Maya wrote:
My 14 year old son , who so is so sweet and caring , always greet me in the morning . I asked him if he pray .,, he said he has been praying daily for the last month . He told me this morning ... “mom , I’m a teen now, I can sense things . “ He told me “ mom, you’re eyes look tired... “ I haven’t really cried , maybe almost , but just teary.
This made me tear up. Kids are definitely more receptive than we give them credit for. One of my biggest regrets is letting my daughter (then 3 years old) see me in tears in those early days post-disclosure when I was so incredibly overwhelmed with emotions...Though she didn't understand what was going on (of course), she started crying, too...and we just held one another. It is so very hard going through this with kids....and worrying about the effect this will have on them now ....and in their future adult relationships. I know I would never want my mother to stay in this kind of relationship.

**Posted by Rob** January 29, 2021 9:03 am

Maya, best wishes on your confrontation. It sounds like he has checked out of the marriage already ..very similar to my GX... reckless behavior they think is secret with no regard for us.. Its not something we are capable of doing to them.
Regardless of his justification or argument back.. stand your ground. Ask him why its ok to hurt you..to keep hurting you.

**Posted by Maya** January 29, 2021 10:25 am

Rob, when I saw the medication and the Lab monitoring , I realized this is beyond saving . He made a choice to follow this path of self destruction and I don’t want my kids to see this or should my kids see how their father has made decision and choosing his selfish act(?)
I am scheduled to work this Saturday and he usually drops me off on weekend . But just realized that whenever he is supposed to just drop me off ,he goes somewhere after for a few hours to do his gay thing ... I plan on just taking day off without telling him till we are out of the house , so we could talk without the kids...

**Posted by Maya** January 29, 2021 10:26 am

May God give me the strength to say the right words and give me peace in my heart and mind...

Last edited by Maya (January 29, 2021 10:32 am)