OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / pride

**Posted by inkundermyskin** January 16, 2021 11:35 am

let me start by saying i'm not looking for a fight. i just want to vent for 5 minutes. its just MY thoughts that i need to puke from my brain.
i told my story here. i've read and contributed my feelings and opinions.
i moved back to my hometown, and haven't had any contact with my ex in 3 months. i got a text yesterday from a friend/softball parent who still lives in that area. he knew we split up, but he asked me why my ex had a gay pride flag on the porch?
ugh. fuck. i promise you all its not being gay that bothers me. my sister has been out for 20 years. i'm not even getting into the alphabet they all use, nor all the types of sexualities there are. to me, you gay or straight, with or without your own kinks and fetishes.
my point is this. they are all so applauded for their strength, passion, determination to be "who they REALLY are" rainbows everywhere.
for those, that have been open and out their whole life, they deserve a pat on the back? if its natural and no different than being straight our whole life, what's all the hype about?
how about our ex's who have lied, manipulated, cheated, and stole so many things emotionally, that many of us will never fully recover? so they also deserve the recognition, support and pats on the backs?.
i mean most people who have opposite sex affairs are rarely applauded. maybe by other cheaters. so what makes that asdguihpa community different? like i said, life long gays that have been open, i have no issues. but the others?
this isn't a fair apple to apple comparison.
but-
that group, and those who support them, have some very, very terribly immoral people that support them. our ex's are the ones i speak of. they have committed atrocities to many souls, families, friends.
to be honest without hurting others is fine. but what we've been through, well to me is a tamer versions of hate crimes. hate groups.
this i know, you're either their side holding hands, or on the other side oppressing them.
well how would the world react if we had straight pride month. flags. parades. communities. for some reason, there seems to be more support for them, from the world as a whole, than there is for us. i am beyond tired of being told what i have to accept, and respect. no, i don't have to. i don't want. sexuality, kinks, fetishes, are all one thing. our souls are something. there is no in between. i dont have to support this, and it does NOT MAKE ME A BAD PERSON.
oh well. thanks for letting me vent

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** January 16, 2021 3:16 pm

inkundermyskin wrote:
let me start by saying i'm not looking for a fight. i just want to vent for 5 minutes. its just MY thoughts that i need to puke from my brain.....................

And that's what this Forum is here for Ink. For you, me, anybody to put their thoughts out in a community that cares. While I feel much of the stuff you do being a bit further on in the Mindfuck means I've been able to tame the not fairs and the comparisons between 'them and us' because it just gets me no-fucking-where.
The two communities still have to both survive in the other's world, and there is not getting around the fact that there are members of the LGBTQ-yada-yada community who didn't hurt anybody coming out. Just as there are straightspouses who have a gay sister or brother or who are able to move away from the Mindfuck with forgiveness
for their LGB.....s.
I responded to a woman the other day saying it's okay to "be angry but make it work for you".
Oh man I went through a patch where I could see the gay in just about every person I passed in the street. Every person my partner talked to a possible enemy. There was a Pride rainbow painted as a crossing on a street in the city. I would cross looking straight ahead thinking "fuck you all" and after a while with all the traffic that drove over it...it became smudged and grimy so one day I took a bucket of soapy water and a brush.....
Kidding, no I didn't...they can clean up their own colourful mess. I was just happy it looked like nobody cared enough to give it a touch up.

It's okay to be resentful and come here to rant. It's not helpful to do it alone.

Elle

**Posted by lily** January 16, 2021 3:35 pm

you certainly get no fight from me Ink. I'm even worse, the way I see it - as a species we're just about driven nuts by all the cheat and deceit. and it really is getting worse with each generation.

when I think of gay pride the last thing I think of is the flag flying on your ex's porch, I think of the gay people I know who are true and honest with others.

I just went looking for the Desiderata on line, I remembered there was a bit about staying away from people who are vexatious to the spirit but here's the line I came away with -

"Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass."

**Posted by SusanneH** January 16, 2021 6:05 pm

No problem here, either, Ink. Heck, I was accepting of gays, other races, etc. long before it was “the right thing to do”. I was part of the hippie movement and we loved everyone! We may not have done it all right, but we had the right idea.

However, after my husband cheated with men and all of this has come ‘out’; seeing all of these LBGT.. spouses/partners, etc that have hurt us so much, we can’t help but have different feelings. And, I can truly understand about seeing the gay flag flying! I used to love rainbows, and now I get a sick feeling when I see them. ....sad, isn’t it.

And, like you said, everyone is cheering them on when they come out.....not thinking of those of us who have been hurt along the way.

I DO think we straights need to be celebrated for......I don’t know.....for at least presenting ourselves for who we really are?

Oh well, PEACE and (((HUGS)))) everyone!

**Posted by inkundermyskin** January 17, 2021 8:31 am

well it was easier saying it "out loud" on here. ill follow up with this.
lwh-i have felt this about the pride for years. as i said, my sister has been out for 20 years, and i do residential remodeling, and one of my oldest, favorite clients is a gay, male couple. neither them nor, my sister has thrown in it anyone's face. nor do they hide it, which i wouldn't expect them to do either.you may be right, even though ive felt this was for a long time.your probably right about too much time and energy
elle-as you say "mindfuck" may be the most appropriate term on here, that and your humor. thank you kindly.
lily- as much as their so proud to show their flags, i wish i could know the good ones from the bad. however small that percentage is. i hate to punish the decent ones with my resentment. ah, but alas..
susanne- i agree. my aunt was married to a black guy for 30 years. it never crossed my mind whether it was right or wrong. same with being gay, and my sister. again my biggest issue is the pride in it. i shouldn't be made to feel wrong or judgemental because i don't want it in my face. for me, by doing so they are creating more of a divide. so should i display being proud to be straight, white, ane a man? i believe that would be frowned upon.
lets all live live. be thankful and humble. the more i get the fuck you if you don't accept my gayness, the more i despise it. just saying

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** January 17, 2021 10:51 am

ink,
I have felt the resentment, when my university was in the midst of a trans awareness week at a time I was being subjected to abuse by my trans identifying spouse. I think that when we are in the middle of having to deal with our spouse's behavior and betrayal, our sensitivity is heightened. I felt a similar anger after my father killed himself, and people would casually talk about suicide. I can still feel how hurt and angry I was when, on the plane to fly home for my father's service, the woman in the seat in front of me turned to her partner, who was seated across the aisle from her, and said, "If that happened to me I'd shoot myself in the head!" My father had in fact shot himself in the head. And her comment really knocked me back.
I have noticed that the farther out I get from life with my trans identifying closeted ex, and the less all things trans affect me directly and personally, the more I've been able to let those references roll off my back. He, and It, is simply not a part of my life anymore, and its power to hurt is lessened. Which is not to say that your main point, that despicable and selfish gay people are being included in the celebration and their victims are going unacknowledged.

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (January 17, 2021 10:52 am)