OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / My brain won’t shut down

**Posted by Lorelei** December 21, 2020 9:42 am

I posted my story early this morning because I couldn’t sleep. Now my bisexual husband (I guess bisexual we haven’t labeled it) is at work. We own a business and I never know for certain where he is or who he is with. My mind is reeling right now. I can’t stay focused and accomplish anything due to this. How have y’all managed to function on a daily basis?

**Posted by Rob** December 21, 2020 10:25 am

Lorlei,

Read your story. Welcome.

I normally don't post in this section as except for strategies for coping and surviving with a mean cheating spouse I have no advice for how to make mixed orientation marriage work.

You are in shock though and may want to read the first aid thread.

The stress and anxiety of wondering where your husband is real and can take a toll on you mentally and physically.. dont be ashamed to seek medical help. Build a support system..dont go it alone.

Last edited by Rob (December 21, 2020 10:25 am)

**Posted by inkundermyskin** December 21, 2020 11:11 am

im so sorry for your pain. i cant give you advice. i can only tell you youre alone. its been 9 months since i found out my fiance is gay, and i moved out. we had 10 years in. today still hurts as much as it did back then. i lost 60lbs the first 2 months. i as still lost without her. but i am alive.

**Posted by MamaBear** December 21, 2020 11:30 am

Know you are not alone and keep reading here...there are a lot of resources. I'm new to this journey and in a different situation, so no specific advice.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** December 21, 2020 1:25 pm

Lorelei wrote:
I posted my story early this morning because I couldn’t sleep. Now my bisexual husband (I guess bisexual we haven’t labeled it) is at work. We own a business and I never know for certain where he is or who he is with. My mind is reeling right now. I can’t stay focused and accomplish anything due to this. How have y’all managed to function on a daily basis?

Like Rob I rarely post in this section but as I'm still with my bi/gay/fluid does it really matter? because things will never be the same I do feel I can post some advice to a new member.
You need to open the lines of communication with your husband. He won't want you to open them because he's trying not to hurt you by keeping this a secret, but secrets kill r'ships. You also need somebody else/NOT your husband to confide in

Welcome to our Forum Lorelei

Elle

**Posted by TangledOil** December 21, 2020 1:36 pm

I’m so sorry you find yourself here. Your husband is very obviously sexually attracted to men or else he wouldn’t be doing sexual things with men. When he says he’s not attracted to men, maybe he means emotionally. Who knows, but men who aren’t sexually attracted to men don’t have sex with men.

I have no idea if the two of you can work this out, but if that’s what both of you want to try it’s going to take a lot of hard work... including lots of open communication. Find others that can support you either in real life or anonymously online if that’s more comfortable for you, and find a therapist you trust. Your husband can’t be your shoulder to cry on because he’s the one whose inflicted the damage and pain.

Wishing you the best.

Tangled

**Posted by Stronger** December 21, 2020 2:13 pm

Welcome and sorry you’re here... I totally know what you mean about things with your husband pulling at your attention all the time. I’m still in that phase as well. I strongly suggest distraction, like an activity or person that keeps you busy. Allow some time to the worry and anxiety and then put it away. If you are a faithful person, find quotes or prayers or Bible readings that bring you back to your center. I’m still working on this day to day.

I also shared my story with two close friends who I trust completely, and later with a clergy member. It has been a huge help to know I am not alone. My next step is to find a counselor/therapist because I need to get past the hurt in order to see if I can move forward in my marriage.

Last edited by Stronger (December 21, 2020 2:19 pm)