OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Distraught

**Posted by Sonata** December 14, 2020 1:47 am

I think my husband and I decided to separate after Christmas for the sake of our son. My husband says he can't have these same conversations anymore and can't bear that he has or is causing me pain. I don't know why I haven't been able to get past the affair and forgive....I've been working on it in counseling but to no avail...

I am numb and it is so very sad. We still love each other but he says there have been many things wrong for awhile and there have. I thought love and commitment and working through things were the way. Who knows if it will be a temporary or a permanent break.

He has no money. He says he doesn't want my money. He says he will sell his possessions. I think he's not thinking clearly. I feel guilty for pushing him so hard....and they stupid cycle we have been caught in.

Oh well...enough said for now....heartbroken.

**Posted by TangledOil** December 14, 2020 2:39 pm

I’m so sorry, Sonata. None of this is easy. What your husband doesn’t realize is either way, it causes you pain. You’re in pain over all this regardless. Are you seeking counseling services? Life is complicated and sometimes even love just isn’t enough. If you ever want to talk feel free to message me.

**Posted by Dutchman** December 14, 2020 5:37 pm

Sonata,

I'm so very sorry for you, and for you both. I (we) hoped you both could find a way together through it.
It's so sad if it doesn't work out that way, but you tried. I've totally read that in your posts, you really tried!
You're such a worthwhile woman and your husband's biggest loss in this. If he'd just realized that (years sooner).

Dutchman.

**Posted by Sonata** December 16, 2020 11:25 pm

Thank you Tangled Oil and Dutchman,

I guess time will tell what will ultimately happen. We have to live together now because of the pandemic and money. He did say he would find a place after Christmas...many things get said when upset. I am resigned that whatever will be will be. I am trying to keep it calm around here and just treat him as the dear friend he is. No matter what happens, I know we will remain friends....though we may need time and space.

Thank you for you words of support. They have kept me going. Tangled Oil...would love to talk...don't know how to message here. Dutchman, you and your wife are wonderful. Thanks for your kindness.

**Posted by MyExodus** December 17, 2020 11:16 am

Sonata,

This is just soooo hard right now. I know. Especially with this dang pandemic. I put up some Christmas decorations when I was alone last Saturday and I just bawled as this will be the last time I will be putting this decoration up in this house. I am looking at the house in a whole new light. I am in mourning of the loss of my marriage and of the home that we created for our two daughters. It is helping me to be able to picture the way my next Christmas will look. There will be traditions that I will dispense with as they were just a marital accomodations. And there will be new traditions that my girls and I may incorporate.

I love Phoenix's quote that say"...my new life will be spectacular." It gives me such hope. Hang in there. You got this.