OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Why Do I feel sorry for him?

**Posted by blindone** November 8, 2020 2:31 pm

I'm separated from him (found cheating w/men) about 6 months now - we meet every couple of weeks and discuss things - we are both in therapy and so this week when we met, he said his therapist suggested that he write a letter to his dad who has been passed for many years. I did not know his dad, but I understand the relationship was not close. He said he wrote the letter, which was hard, and went to his dads grave to read it. He cried very hard when he was telling me this - I've never seen him show this much emotion in the 8 years that I've known him. It broke my heart and I wanted to know more, but he said he didn't want to talk about it. I have overwhelming sorrow for him vs having anger. I also want to know more about him and his life b/c now he finally telling me the truth about things. So I feel like I'm getting to know this person I was with for 8 years only now that we are apart. Is this normal to feel sad over what may be going on w/the X?

**Posted by TangledOil** November 8, 2020 3:03 pm

Blindone,

Honestly... I’m concerned. What do you hope to gain by meeting with him? He’s your ex-fiancé. You don’t have children with him, correct? I guess from my perspective I’d try to make a clean break. You don’t meet with him for his sake. You meet with him for your sake, but why? I think I’d run and not look back. Once I was truly over exes I didn’t feel sad over what they may have been going through. People go through crap. All people. I can’t have the same level of care and concern and investment for everyone going through crap. Sorry, I know it sounds harsh. Life moves on. If you have zero intention of getting back together with him make a clean break now. Maybe in 5, 10, or 20 years you can resume a distant friendship because you’ll have better in your life by then.

Hugs,

Tangled

Last edited by TangledOil (November 8, 2020 3:09 pm)

**Posted by Blue Bear** November 9, 2020 12:51 pm

Blindone: You feel sorry because you invested deeply in this person, and severing emotional bonds isn't (and shouldn't) be easy with the person you pledged to enjoy the rest of your life.

But you need to start looking out for you. His journey is separate, and it needs to be. He's no longer your monkey, and you're no longer part of his circus.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** November 11, 2020 10:22 pm

You feel sorry for him because you wouldn't want to be him?

This was my first thought when I saw the title of this thread

Elle