OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Secrets

**Posted by Todd** June 27, 2016 8:01 am

I dropped my son off to his mother today and I received a call from her 30 minutes later. She said she had been talking with him about what we had done over the weekend and he told her all of the fun things we had done (swimming, my girlfriend's birthday celebration, etc.), but he then said that something else we had done was a secret. My ex wanted to talk about how it's wrong to have him keep secrets and I was felt defensive and insulted. I would never ask my son to keep a secret from his mom. I try so hard to be a good dad, and being accused of something like that hurt me.

I'm wondering if anyone else has had that type of experience or any advice on how to handle it.

**Posted by Sue** June 27, 2016 8:27 am

"I'm sorry, you must be confused. I would never ask ___ to keep a secret from you. I'm going to hang up now and I hope you have a nice day."

**Posted by Sue** June 27, 2016 8:30 am

And by the way, she is so trying to rile you up. Geez can't it be enough that they screwed our lives up already without acting manipulative and childish? My favorite was the email my lawyer got (and forwarded to me) from his lawyer that my ex had no clue I objected to putting the kids in summer camp when I was available to be with them. This was AFTER we fought for three days about it. Lie to your own lawyer, sleezebag. Sheesh.

Last edited by Sue (June 27, 2016 8:30 am)

**Posted by Dee** June 27, 2016 8:59 am

Don't believe a word she says. Agree with Sue, she's just trying to get you riled up, don't respond, funny how they are all about being such awesome parents AFTER they implode their kids lives. Pathetic

**Posted by Kel** June 27, 2016 10:21 am

Wait a second now - if your son DID say this to his mother, she does have a right to be alarmed. Did you ask your son if that's what he said? And if so, what he was talking about? I'd start there. If he says he never said such a thing, or if he considered something like shopping for someone's b-day present a "secret", then you should explain that to her.

If none of the aforementioned is true, then yeah - she's trying to yank your chain. Just know that if your son told you what he'd done with your ex, and mentioned a secret, you might try to get to the bottom of that, too. Just sayin'.

Kel

**Posted by Todd** June 27, 2016 12:01 pm

Kel, I agree with you. I suppose I just feel stung because I would hope that my track record as a father would speak for itself.

My son is 3 and wouldn't remember what he said if I asked him most likely. He has a great imagination,so who knows...

**Posted by Kel** June 27, 2016 8:51 pm

I understand what you mean, Todd - I always get insulted when my track record means nothing, too. I had my older son lie several times to my ex, and for the first year or do after the divorce, my ex would call and angrily accuse me of these things. Like allowing my 14 year-old son to smoke. I remember saying "Does this sound like me to you?" No. "Does this sounds like something our son would say in the hopes that you think your permission should be given since mine already supposedly has been?" Yes. Eventually my ex learned that I was still who is always been.

I hope it'll all work itself out in time.