OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Something my husband and I both found helpful...

**Posted by TangledOil** October 9, 2020 11:23 am

Something my husband and I both found helpful in understanding each other’s position, and being empathetic towards the others position, is when I told my husband that with his revelation that he’s bi he isn’t the only one who may have felt like he was missing out. I told him, in as nice a way possible, that I was also missing out by having a husband who, at that time, was preoccupied with what he was possibly missing out on. I don’t think he could really see my side until I began telling him his news made me ponder what I could possibly have with a straight man instead.

I’m guessing most MOM couples have these conversations... I think, in my case anyway, it was beneficial for my husband to realize he wasn’t the only one feeling a loss in their life... like something was being denied.

Last edited by TangledOil (October 9, 2020 11:38 am)

**Posted by DeeDee1771** October 9, 2020 11:48 am

We are just staring down this road and these types of conversations are beginning to happen. It baffles me how he can get 'emotional' when I tell him that if he cheats, I'm gone.
Seriously....what does he expect?

**Posted by TangledOil** October 9, 2020 11:54 am

DeeDee,

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. My guess is your husband hasn’t really thought any of this through before and now he’s being forced to see the possible reality his actions could bring. It’s a hellish road to be on, but I hope there are better days in your near future.

Tangled

Last edited by TangledOil (October 9, 2020 11:54 am)

**Posted by Dutchman** October 11, 2020 8:48 am

TangledOil wrote:
I’m guessing most MOM couples have these conversations... I think, in my case anyway, it was beneficial for my husband to realize he wasn’t the only one feeling a loss in their life... like something was being denied.

Yep, certainly, so true! It's very good you point this out. Realising it brings balance in the conversations and assessment of the situation, for both sides alike.

In extension: I fully accept my wife for who she is (lesbian woman), but she also fully accepts me for who I am (straight man). This is in total equality, that goes bothways. It's not just the non-straight spouse that needs to be accepted by the other.
Together seeking the fulfillment of the other. Over time, the feeling of loss diminished but fullfilment only grew.
Somewhere along the road, we both completely lost those feelings of loss.

Last edited by Dutchman (October 11, 2020 8:58 am)