OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Just out of curiosity

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** October 8, 2020 7:35 pm

I'm reading every time I log in to the Forum about straight/LGBTQ r'ships breaking down, and stats about how long these r'ships last, the couples that try to stay together ....but I'm really curious about how long the gay/gay,bi r'ships last and if there are any stats about the length of those. Does any bi/gay person....who has left their hetero r'ship to go be 'authentic'....do any of them regret it and decide it's all too difficult and new?
How many of these new r'ships break down too

Yes yes....strange question, but I am, as I said, curious to know if there are any stats on this

Elle

**Posted by TangledOil** October 8, 2020 7:47 pm

My husband and I have talked about this and wondered the same. My husband thinks that most of these people don’t end up with the bliss they think they will. It seems to me there’s often a lot of bouncing around between numerous partners at least for some time, and it often seems to be mostly about sex and not a whole lot more.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** October 8, 2020 7:51 pm

TangledOil wrote:
My husband and I have talked about this and wondered the same. My husband thinks that most of these people don’t end up with the bliss they think they will. It seems to me there’s often a lot of bouncing around between numerous partners at least for some time, and it often seems to be mostly about sex and not a whole lot more.

Tangled thanks for replying. I wasn't sure about posting this, I didn't want other straights to be offended

**Posted by TangledOil** October 8, 2020 8:03 pm

I’m not offended at all. This is all of interest to me. My husband and I are now at a place where we can freely discuss just about anything.

**Posted by MelanieElizabeth** October 16, 2020 10:56 am

I'm glad you asked this too. I've wondered the same thing. My gay STBX and I were trying to maintain our friendship. We've been married 23 years and best friends. He came out to me in July. However, I just found out this week that instead of renting a house and living alone (as he said), he's moved in with a guy he's been seeing for almost a year. All this after convincing me he hadn't been unfaithful - that he was being honorable coming out an leaving before he acted on this. Of course, now we can't be friends. I can't trust him. So the deep connected friendship and life support partner relationship he had with me is gone. He claims he is not serious about this guy - who knows if this is true. But, I've wondered if trading in all the benefits of a close marriage - best friends, being on a team, financial benefits, having someone who puts you first always - for sex is going to be worth it in the end.

**Posted by TangledOil** October 16, 2020 12:12 pm

Hi Melanie,

I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through. My bi husband says it would not be worth it to lose everything we’ve built up for a a sexual experience with a man. He still has the curiosity, but he’s had the curiosity for many decades and we’ve been monogamous for over 28 years. I would imagine the urge could be stronger for someone who identifies as gay, but who knows for sure. Every individual is different. I sometimes get panicked that eventually he’ll feel he need to act on the desires, but he says he thinks that’s unlikely as he’s managed it all these years.

Tangled

**Posted by stevo** October 16, 2020 2:30 pm

I have also wondered this. I have not had sex in close to 3 years, my wife came out as gay in July of this year. I'm 51 and she is 49. She has never been with a woman and claims she doesn't have an itch to scratch. We never fight and have always gotten along really well. We are not ready to separate. Wonder if the sex thing at our age is going to be the reason why we do in the end. Is it all going to be worth it?

**Posted by TangledOil** October 16, 2020 3:23 pm

stevo wrote:
Wonder if the sex thing at our age is going to be the reason why we do in the end. Is it all going to be worth it?

My husband and I have spoken about this as well and we are the same age as you. We both do not believe it would be worth it to end our marriage for sex. We get along really well. We truly are each other‘s best friends. That wasn’t the case in very recent years because of him figuring himself out most likely. But we are in a much different place now. We have a wonderful family, we own several homes, and we are financially very secure. We are also both very fulfilled by our sex life with one another. He’s not willing to throw it all away for a very occasional 10 minutes with a cock. And it helps that we both love one another very much.

Last edited by TangledOil (October 16, 2020 6:32 pm)

**Posted by Stronger** October 17, 2020 6:09 pm

I find it interesting to read replies by Tangled and Steve-O... my GH has not had sex of any kind with a man, he is satisfied with masturbation and toys (alone). But he finds a way to make sure I don’t touch his private areas and he’s not much on kissing either. Our sex life was dry for a very long time but now that I know why... I feel entitled to my own sex life. He says that we can have a sex life together because he is not hiding from me anymore but I’m not seeing any evidence of that... I hate to say this would be why I would leave but I feel like I deserve to be loved fully. I wish that he could love me fully, and love me for the sake of loving me (like so many in MOM relationships) but it just isn’t looking possible...

SteveO, how have you gone 3 years? What’s your secret?

**Posted by TangledOil** October 17, 2020 6:50 pm

If we would ever divorce my husband says he would not want another relationship or marriage. He says he wouldn’t want to deal with anyone else’s baggage and he wouldn’t want to burden anyone with his own baggage. On the other hand, he says I would be a great catch for someone. I think he just might be right. 😂

Last edited by TangledOil (October 17, 2020 6:50 pm)