LaurielMaci wrote:

I am not sure where to start or where to turn. I have been married for 33 years and I have had small clues that my husband was dressing in women's clothes secretly../..... 

Lauri.....welcome to our Forum. There are women on the forum who are going through the specific situation you are and I'm sure they'll be posting here soon. 
I myself have a bisexual partner and the only times I've known him to wear stockings was in private.

Elle
 

Hello Lauriel, 
I can understand your pain and shock as I went through a similar situation.  It is made all the worse when, as I experienced, there are few resources and it is difficult to talk to people you know.  I discovered this website in January of this year, when I was two years into the discovery and had pretty much made up my mind on what I was going to do.  

My situation, greatly summarized:  husband of 10 years (age 60s) developed an interest in men's cosmetics.  Then women's cosmetics and fashion magazines.  Regular attendance at drag queen shows and gay pride events followed.  He asserted that he wanted to dress in women's clothing.  I said okay as long as it's in private and I never see you dressed like that.  He went out in public dressed as a woman.  Became more immersed in everything gay-related.   We went to marriage counseling, a total failure, and he became more and more obsessed.  I could finally take no more and moved out.  

From your post, it sounds like your husband is around the same age that mine was.  That seems to be not uncommon, based on some of the posts I have read here.  I still do not understand why a man at that age would suddenly decide to dress like a woman.  It was scary to me that the person I thought I knew had a secret of many years that he never told me, then he thought it was okay to "explore his feminine side", and I was expected to accept that.  

From what I have experienced and read, there are different levels of cross-dressing.  Not all of these men wish to transition to a woman.  There is also the question of "is he gay?"  My husband denied that he was, although on reflection there were many red flags, and he ultimately confessed that he was bi-curious and sexually attracted to some men. 

You will go through a number of emotions and this is not an easy ride.  You will need to decide what is best for you.  Some couples stay together.  I could not do that.  His history of lying, and my sexual aversion to the thought of him as a woman, made staying married to him impossible to me. 

I would like to also note that your husband may do an about-face and tell you it was all just a phase.  It seems to be a common occurrence, based on what I have read here and what I experienced.  

Some suggestions:  (1) Find a competent counselor for yourself (not a marriage counselor); (2) Start a journal to record your feelings and what is happening; (3) Read through the posts on this forum; (4) Find someone close to you that you can talk to.  

I wish you all the best and I hope you find some peace in your life as you are going through this. 

Last edited by Leslie77 (October 3, 2020 6:28 am)

Well, it's possible that he just likes to wear women's underwear, although growing his hair and shaving his legs are additional indications that he wants to feel feminine.  Maybe you should just ask him what he's doing and why.  Do you think he would question you if you shaved your head and started wearing men's underwear?  You are going to find out what's going on sooner or later.  It could be nothing particularly upsetting.