Fiancee and together for 8 years - failing relationship and intimacy.  During quarantine would not touch me or talk to me.  My gut was telling me and honestly our entire relationship, that something was not quite right.  We had just finished building a new house.  I found the texts - regular hookups and random hookups.  To see him - he's buttoned up perfectly, very kind and generous to all, but very angry person to me.  Never any photos of me or us anywhere to be found. It's been a few months since discovery and confrontation.  He keeps falling back on 'that was 8 years ago'...."because of my interests (that are different than other men), people have put me in the 'gay' box and it confused me so I needed to find out".....has admitted to just one man, won't admit to the rest.  We are still amicable, but I'm not sure why I'm doing that?  He sent flowers to my parents for their anniversary.  They know and wanted nothing to do with his gifts (can't blame them).  I move between being angry w/myself for sharing w/my close family/friends because maybe I should have worked on it - but then I remember his betrayal and that the relationship wasn't - 8 years of lying. I gave up having children to be with him.  I see a therapist once a week, friends and family are tired of talking about it.  My head is a mess thinking about the holidays coming and being alone.  I don't have any siblings and so my only family are my elderly family and cousins.  It's interesting to me the idea that he puts the blame on other people for causing him to explore sex with men. Thanks for any wisdom....my head is a mess at times.