OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Do you think they pick us?

**Posted by TakenbySurprise** September 8, 2020 3:58 pm

As I'm processing, I wonder if he picked me for a reason. Maybe even subconsciously, if not consciously. In my case, was it because I was sexually inexperienced?

Do you think they pick us because they recognize some vulnerability that make us a good shield for their own denials?

**Posted by MelanieElizabeth** September 8, 2020 4:46 pm

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know that my STBX and I bonded 25 years ago as friends and then evolved into a romantic relationship. We had both experienced sexual abuse trauma in our childhood and that shared experience (along with current family issues on both sides) really caused us to cling to each other. I think we both trusted each other and felt the other person was safe in some way. The first 15 years were actually really good - but as he approached midlife things changed. I don't know if it was a vulnerability he saw or a sense of safety or connection. Take care.