Thanks for vouching for me, I’m aware most women here may not know who I am.

I feel very strongly that women’s voices are of at least equal importance in this debate, and that we should be heard.  Women must not be pressured and gaslighted into the role of support human in somebody else’s adventure.

I was quite nervous about the podcast as it’s the first time I’ve done anything like that- all my other stuff has been written so it feels (as they say on Mumsnet), outing.  But I hope that it might encourage some of the women here to take up the opportunity to share their stories on the website.

Last edited by Lynne (October 3, 2020 5:24 pm)

New to this open board.  A year ago, after telling me that he had been unfaithful to me starting 1988 the person I married 44 years ago came out as heterosexual because he most likes to have sex with women with dicks.  As a tall girl, now a 5'11"  (1m80) tall woman, I have been misgendered since the age of 5. My brothers, my best friend, my colleagues, people I meet at the gym, strangers in elevators, all have had fun at being rude and laughing at my appearance. I had loving parents, came to know gentlemen when I was 20, gaining enough confidence to dismiss all these ignoramuses.  My husband came out while he was suffering from major depression with 'crazy' episodes (his term) and sang like a bird.  He told me he thought of me as a man when we were having sex.  We had four children.  I will add on to my story.

I started to read your trans widow site a few months ago. The written stories were most helpful.  I recently saw a video of a young woman, about her life with an autogynephilic man. The woman seems so shaken, understandably so, as I imagine I do too when I tell my story, but I need a space to spell out the vulgarities in vulgar terms, otherwise it all sounds like a rant.  For example,  my 37-year old disabled son, tears in his eyes, told me recently that for years he had seen trans porno on our computer. My son is the computer expert in the family, a programmer at a very young age.  A couple of weeks ago I went in to look at trans porno and saw a theme that is as clear to me as the concept of Trinity told by St. Patrick holding a shamrock : depicted were a penis, a pile of feces and a pink vulva.  It is gross to say or write, but in picture it is exactly what I feel was done to me.  His risky sex life was a concerted effort to hurt me and my family, which when he came out 'crazy' he called the enemy (me) and the non-neutrals (our children).

I am just beginning to be able to write about my experience, greatly because I just got a laptop with a keyboard rather than the restrictive (to me) mobile phone.  Maybe I will submit a more developed version to your trans widow site.

I’m not sure either is worse than the other and there are many similarities but still, they are different.

The more work I do on this the more I see relationships between trans widows and our ex’s in terms of abuse dynamics.  I don’t know if that is as prevalent if your partner is gay (mine was both gay and trans as it happens).

I’m one woman who does this in my spare time, so I can’t help everyone unfortunately. I have to use what labour I have to spare, in supporting and amplifying the women who I can be most useful to- that is trans widows.