No not so far....there are days where I think my son's may know but they just don't want to know. I did finally tell my daughter'n law because I wanted her to understand why I was so angry.  That I wasn't a NUT job!!!
I've certainly done a lot of carpet bombing.  I understand what you are saying about not making this my demise.  I know I keep wanting more closure and I may never get it from him! I just think if I speak my closure to our friends they will see past his lies.  If not that's fine.  I do think that by doing so that may put the ex on the hot seat.   I AM SO SICK OF OUR ENTIRE MARRIAGE BEING ABOUT HIM AND NOW IT STILL IS!!!!    Speaking my peace is about MY PRESERVATION and me FINALLY having the voice in our marriage I NEVER HAD!!!!  Outside of his employer he's never been accountable to NO ONE!!!   I was the submissive (I now admit cowardly) over employed (under paid) team playing wife.   

Rob wrote:

38,
My GX initiated the divorce also. But a couple of more weeks and I would have filed. In hindsight I should have filed because it announces to the world who was at fault...that is what one would think. It was like "im cheating on you with a woman and now I'm going to lie more and file a divorce saying you were a bad husband...no one will suspect me of anything with my girlfriend"..there is no affair..you are at fault.
It matters little though. Your GX sounds like mine..they lived their lie for years and plan to keep living it.
I tell though to give vengeance to God and move on. Im 4 years out and I simply do not care what my GX tells people or how she lives here life now. She is just not a significant part of my life now.
Her lie of a life is just not something I have to be any part of anymore. For example I dont think her and her girlfriend are "out". People ask and I simply say I don't care. Just the peace of being away from her narcisstic drama and lies is priceless to me.
I tell you..just trust that he sucks and move on. The lie and false reality they live is not something we have to have in our lives anymore.
It will never be morally right what they did but we can remove them from our lives and nullify their significance
now. They forfeit us even caring that they are gay, green, or hurtful. They are of no importance now.

*************************************************************************

Hi Rob,   
My ex initiated the divorce by speaking his mind and then gleefully moving out into a luxury apartment!  One of the hardest choices I had to make was deciding to no longer be responsible for our precious Golden Retriever.  I knew I had to let him go and that too was heartbreaking!  For once in my life I needed my freedom!!!  Finally the EX would have to be responsible for walking and caring for this wonderful 110 lb dog. 

Thanks to Corona it has really hampered the ex's traveling escapades ...he never had to worry about anything.  For many years I was always there to man our beautiful 6 bedroom house inside and out and take care of things....he just had to put me on notice of a trip, fill up his suitcase and begone!!!  Never a worry!!! 

The last couple of years the EX turned into a massive jerk and he was getting worse by the day.  He had weaponized the check book, he'd travel on a whim on exotic trips and loved San Fran/Seattle... he was totally indulgent. HE was user friendly and was nice to me when it fit his purpose.   He always "felt' and portrayed himself as the victim!!!!
The EX finally thought everything through and had everything planned out!!!  He wanted to go through a mediator yadda, yadda, yadda!   Keep it cheap!  HE thought that would appeal to me because I was always conservative and frugal!  Yes!  I am conservative and I was frugal...it was survival... I had to be frugal living under his roof!!!!!!
He tried to convince me that we just needed to divorce and be friends!  REALLY???? LIARRRR!!!!!   More GAS LIGHTING!!!!   I knew his big button was No alimony after 38 years of marriage.  I could live off my 1/2 of the 401K money.  NO A -hole!!  I DON'T THINK SO... THAT'S my retirement money.... just as it IS your retirement money.
There is so much I'm not posting when it comes to being there for our kids.....  I can not tell you how sick this all truly makes me!!! 
All these years  I made excuses for him in my own mind and why he wasn't the father, or husband he should have been.   Now to find out this HEAD TWISTER it's truly hard to reconcile and just say "I'm moving on!"   
The deceit is that deep!  The double standards and abuse towards me and YES how he was not a present father while I bared "MAJOR" the hardship with two sons and HE wallowed in his selfish BULLSHIT!!!!   I'm like enough already!   And he wants to continue his self preservation????   WHY IS THAT FAIR???  It's very painful for me!! 
Yes Rob,  I've told a few friends but the one's that truly count are the one's he's counting on me Not saying a peep to!  The other friends he's left behind.....  I'm in the oh yeah??? Watch me mode!!!   
Yes I have wrestled with it being vengeful, especially because I am a Christian!   There's just so much that has happened in this marriage.  We started dating in 10th grade and now I just shake my head!!!  I don't want to say he's destroyed my life but it's so hard to look past our children and not look at them as our collateral damage. 
This is what makes grieves my soul!!  I loose so much sleep over my youngest son!  
Knowing my EX is trying to stay in the closet is so much to bare!!!  My relief is speaking my truth and letting HIS cards fall where they may!!!     HE'S THAT EXCLUSIVE AND PRIVATE!!!!
Like I said He had NO intentions of me EVER finding out!!!!!  And now I'm quite sure I'm his worst nightmare and again he's doing what he does best!  IMAGE CONTROL/SELF PRESERVATION!!!
The state of our world has also added another layer of stress to my already stressed life.
Thank you Rob!  And you are so right about the immorality!!!!

Rob wrote:

38,
My GX initiated the divorce also. But a couple of more weeks and I would have filed. In hindsight I should have filed because it announces to the world who was at fault...that is what one would think. It was like "im cheating on you with a woman and now I'm going to lie more and file a divorce saying you were a bad husband...no one will suspect me of anything with my girlfriend"..there is no affair..you are at fault.
It matters little though. Your GX sounds like mine..they lived their lie for years and plan to keep living it.
I tell though to give vengeance to God and move on. Im 4 years out and I simply do not care what my GX tells people or how she lives here life now. She is just not a significant part of my life now.
Her lie of a life is just not something I have to be any part of anymore. For example I dont think her and her girlfriend are "out". People ask and I simply say I don't care. Just the peace of being away from her narcisstic drama and lies is priceless to me.
I tell you..just trust that he sucks and move on. The lie and false reality they live is not something we have to have in our lives anymore.
It will never be morally right what they did but we can remove them from our lives and nullify their significance
now. They forfeit us even caring that they are gay, green, or hurtful. They are of no importance now.

*************************************************************************

Hi Rob,   
My ex initiated the divorce by speaking his mind and then gleefully moving out into a luxury apartment!  One of the hardest choices I had to make was deciding to no longer be responsible for our precious Golden Retriever.  I knew I had to let him go and that too was heartbreaking!  For once in my life I needed my freedom!!!  Finally the EX would have to be responsible for walking and caring for this wonderful 110 lb dog. 

Thanks to Corona it has really hampered the ex's traveling escapades ...he never had to worry about anything.  For many years I was always there to man our beautiful 6 bedroom house inside and out and take care of things....he just had to put me on notice of a trip, fill up his suitcase and begone!!!  Never a worry!!! 

The last couple of years the EX turned into a massive jerk and he was getting worse by the day.  He had weaponized the check book, he'd travel on a whim on exotic trips and loved San Fran/Seattle... he was totally indulgent. HE was user friendly and was nice to me when it fit his purpose.   He always "felt' and portrayed himself as the victim!!!!
The EX finally thought everything through and had everything planned out!!!  He wanted to go through a mediator yadda, yadda, yadda!   Keep it cheap!  HE thought that would appeal to me because I was always conservative and frugal!  Yes!  I am conservative and I was frugal...it was survival... I had to be frugal living under his roof!!!!!!
He tried to convince me that we just needed to divorce and be friends!  REALLY???? LIARRRR!!!!!   More GAS LIGHTING!!!!   I knew his big button was No alimony after 38 years of marriage.  I could live off my 1/2 of the 401K money.  NO A -hole!!  I DON'T THINK SO... THAT'S my retirement money.... just as it IS your retirement money.
There is so much I'm not posting when it comes to being there for our kids.....  I can not tell you how sick this all truly makes me!!! 
All these years  I made excuses for him in my own mind and why he wasn't the father, or husband he should have been.   Now to find out this HEAD TWISTER it's truly hard to reconcile and just say "I'm moving on!"   
The deceit is that deep!  The double standards and abuse towards me and YES how he was not a present father while I bared "MAJOR" the hardship with two sons and HE wallowed in his selfish BULLSHIT!!!!   I'm like enough already!   And he wants to continue his self preservation????   WHY IS THAT FAIR???  It's very painful for me!! 
Yes Rob,  I've told a few friends but the one's that truly count are the one's he's counting on me Not saying a peep to!  The other friends he's left behind.....  I'm in the oh yeah??? Watch me mode!!!   
Yes I have wrestled with it being vengeful, especially because I am a Christian!   There's just so much that has happened in this marriage.  We started dating in 10th grade and now I just shake my head!!!  I don't want to say he's destroyed my life but it's so hard to look past our children and not look at them as our collateral damage. 
This is what makes grieves my soul!!  I loose so much sleep over my youngest son!  
Knowing my EX is trying to stay in the closet is so much to bare!!!  My relief is speaking my truth and letting HIS cards fall where they may!!!     HE'S THAT EXCLUSIVE AND PRIVATE!!!!
Like I said He had NO intentions of me EVER finding out!!!!!  And now I'm quite sure I'm his worst nightmare and again he's doing what he does best!  IMAGE CONTROL/SELF PRESERVATION!!!
The state of our world has also added another layer of stress to my already stressed life.
Thank you Rob!  And you are so right about the immorality!!!!

Here for all wrote:

The ex has always been very private and ALL about his own "self" preservation.   I feel like as long as he doesn't come clean he is holding me hostage...mostly because of our grown son's!!!   My thoughts are now to send out another closure video but this time to friends (more so now his friends).  I believe my ex is banking on me not being in contact with them and I'm like oh yeah??? Watch me!!!   In doing this little gesture.... I feel like I am speaking my closure to them!  At least they'll know my TRUTH!
Much like Rob on this forum was saying "you tell one friend at a time and if they do not believe you they aren't your friends."  Yes I have evidence but I do not feel like offering that up.  I owe that to no one!!! 
Just knowing what my son told me is enough to expose to others no deep details!
I'm asking for your thoughts!!   
I just want the ex to LIVE HIS TRUTH!  Like I told him he finally grew balls to leave me, but he still doesn't have the balls to come out of the closest!  He is a total FAKE!!!!   I even told him that I wasn't the homophobe that he was/is!!!

Luke 8:17

Here's one I think will help for those that believe in the fact that we have a helper:
Romans 21-31
 21 "For although they knew God, they did not glorify him as God nor did they thank him, but they
became empty-headed in their reasonings and their senseless hearts became darkened.
Although claiming they were wise, they became foolish, 23 and turned the glory of the incorruptible God
into something like the image of corruptible man and birds and four-footed creatures and reptiles.
24 Therefore, God, in keeping with the desires of their hearts, gave them up to uncleanness, so that their bodies might be dishonored among them. 
They exchanged the truth of God for the lie and venerated and rendered sacred service to the creation rather than the Creator, who is praised forever. Amen.
26 That is why God gave them over to disgraceful sexual passion, for their females changed
the natural use of themselves into one contrary to nature; likewise also the males left the natural use of the
female and became violently inflamed in their lust toward one another,
**males with males, working what is obscene and receiving in themselves the full penalty, which was due for their error
.28 Just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them over to a disapproved mental state,
to do the things not fitting. And they were filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, and badness,
being full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, and malice, being whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, insolent,
haughty, boastful, schemers of what is harmful, disobedient to parents, without understanding, false to
agreements, having no natural affection, and merciless. 32 Although these know full well the righteous
decree of God—that those practicing such things are deserving of death—they not only keep on doing them
but also approve of those practicing them.  

 

Thank you!  Scripture verses can be hard to read at times especially when they hit home and challenge us!!!!   I find myself so very angry at him then my heart goes into aching for his soul!  There were times my ex would make a comment to me "Born that way or chosen?   
I know what God's word says and I  don't buy into the world view or any Pastor trying to reword and twist scripture. God's word is very clear!!!  I believe the majority of churches today have become corporations and seeker sensitive and are no longer willing to step out on sensitive issues and teach sound doctrine. Sadly they are apostate!!!

Last edited by 38yrsGAMEOVER (August 11, 2020 6:34 pm)