OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / One positive point

**Posted by Sonata** June 25, 2020 4:06 pm

Hello Everyone,

Despite all the pain and difficulty with navigating through my husband's bisexual orientation, I can honestly say the one good thing about all this is that he and I are having the most open and honest communication that we have ever had. I think there were many things that were not being said and now I feel authentic and I hope he does too.

I don't know if we'll be able to make it all work. I hope we can but right now it is all too raw. He says he is bisexual and not gay but I am not sure about any of it right now. So time will tell. I hope it will all become clear with a little time.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** June 25, 2020 4:59 pm

Sonata wrote:

Sonata...I went back and read your first post in May 2020 when you said the day before you'd found out he was having an affair with a man. That's not even 3 months ago so you may, almost certainly will have many ups and downs before you get this Mindfuck sorted out in your own mind. And it is your mind and future that matters at this point because he has changed the dynamics without telling you he was going too so you're the one doing catch up

Elle

**Posted by Dutchman** June 25, 2020 6:14 pm

Hi Sonata,
Talking is where it starts. I don't know about the "little time" though. There is probably still lots and lots more talking and (emotional) processing to do.
Also to get really open and honest is not easy. Even if he is not in denial and honest to himself, it's also scanning/probing what the other can handle, one doesn't want to cause too much hurt. Although this wastes time, it also gives opportunity to get adjusted to all that is revealed. It's not easy to find the right balance.

When my wife came-out she was very clear she was lesbian, but it took her a lot of time to be really-really open about all what she felt, most importantly not to hurt my feelings more than necessary. Actually a loving motivation, but also counter-productive to go forward. It's a difficult dilemma.

You put a lot of importance on the bi-gay difference. But it's probably not so binary.
Also someone who's more to the gay side, but sincerely loves you and is determined to go for the marriage, is more likely to result in a good MOM, than someone more to the bi-side who isn't really honest and/or motivated to give it all. I understand you don't want to waste time on a chance less marriage, but you can't rush it. Next to that you recently have had quite a shock finding out what your husband did, that's on itself already much to handle for you. There could be too much on your plate to go full speed ahead. Allow yourself and your husband time to figure things out.

Last edited by Dutchman (June 25, 2020 6:14 pm)

**Posted by TangledOil** June 25, 2020 6:16 pm

Sonata,

I wish you the very best. This is a challenging path to navigate. I’m 6 months down the road from my husband telling me he’s bisexual. We’ve had countless productive conversations since then. Things are looking up though and this topic no longer occupies much of his or my time thankfully. Although we’re both mindful that it never goes away, our lives aren’t only driven by sex. There’s far more to each of us than that. if you ever want to chat privately feel free to message me. I rarely log on or post here anymore.

**Posted by TangledOil** June 25, 2020 6:23 pm

Dutchman,

I always appreciate your words. Absolutely agree. My husband treasures his role as my husband, a father to our children, and a family man. I feel my husband truly loves me and our family and is committed to being committed.

**Posted by Dutchman** June 27, 2020 8:03 pm

Hi TangledOil,

It's so good to read your post, thanks for sharing! I am happy for you both to have found what is truly important.
I wish you much further blessing on your way together. And hope you'll check in here now and then.

Last edited by Dutchman (June 27, 2020 8:04 pm)