OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / 5 years separated and now he is getting himself a new beard😣

**Posted by Melissa** June 20, 2020 1:55 pm

Hello! Wonderful people from this forum saved me from continuing in a miserable existence with a GID husband. The assured confirmation here that his sexual behaviors and porn preferences, anger issues, and chronic lying proved he was gay in denial gave me the ability to start growing my self esteem by finding boundaries, listening to my intuition, and allowing myself to be angry. I left him about 5 years ago and we co parent amicably. I probably am still too friendly to him and started to see him as a more decent hearted person than he is. Since leaving him I went back to school and started a new career, and am over him romantically. Because I was raised super religious, he has been the only person I’ve had sex with. I’m no longer religious.
Now he is dating a woman again. I had no idea how much that would anger me. I feel traumatized all over again. All my old icky feelings of rejection, betrayal, hurt have exploded within me. This is also sidelined with some lying he has done to me recently concerning some parenting agreements we have about how to protect our kids during the pandemic. Will my yucky feelings become meh (Chumplady reference) soon I hope? It drains me. I have to remind myself that he always was this selfish and delusional, I had just mistakenly took him for someone with empathy and love. Do you agree I should not ever tell his girlfriend that he is gay because I will be labeled a crazy bitch? Please tell me your experiences with this or advice.

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** June 20, 2020 4:39 pm

I can well imagine you're traumatized all over again. I am still traumatized by even seeing or hearing about my ex.

I can't tell you what to do. But if you are worried about how or whether telling would affect parenting agreements I would imagine that could be a factor in your decision. I'd also worry about being believed (you may have proof you're ready to share with this new beard).

I can say that if I were in her shoes, I'd want to know.

I can also say that I have already decided that if my still closeted ex gets involved with another woman, I will tell her (our son is an adult, so there are no parenting issues). And I do have proof to share. If it happens, I plan to pose it as a question to her. "Perhaps you already know this, and have come to an agreement with YY, but if not, I believe you ought to know that..."

**Posted by Melissa** June 20, 2020 5:05 pm

Thank you for your advice, OutofHisCloset. I appreciate it. I hope she will catch on to his red flags. Otherwise maybe I will be able to ask her if she would like to know what happened, and pose it as a question like you suggest. Thank you.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** June 21, 2020 3:06 pm

Melissa wrote:

Whatever you do you'll be damned....even if you say nothing.

What you need is somebody who's not emotionally invested to say something to her. Not him, he's selfishly invested. Not you, you don't need this hanging over you. What this situation needs is an outspoken, upfront 'friend of a friend' to drop into a conversation "oh really....I heard he was gay"

I've said to most of those I've told about my situation (not many, 10 maybe) that I would want to know if they hear anything....straight out asked them if they have had suspicions, but of course it's a very tricky-icky topic, difficult to bring up with somebody you care for and don't wish to hurt.

Elle

**Posted by Melissa** June 22, 2020 9:33 pm

Thank you Elle. I appreciate your advice. That would be helpful if someone else told her, like my sister or someone. I am damned either way, it’s true.