OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Just trying to figure things out

**Posted by Skyinautumn** June 19, 2020 9:27 am

My story.
I have been married for 20 years. I have always known that he had gay tendencies through many different times in our marriage. It has always been full of anger and deciet and lies when it came out. He was always in denial and then I would just let it go. Just recently though it has all began again, the words on the internet to gay younger men, the gay porn, everything behind my back but I was able to find out anyhow.
He told me he was bisexual, but I think that is just him telling himself that because of me. I have been hurt by this for a long time, but this last time is the worst. I can't think about it without crying. He still says he loves me but I am like you can't love me and do this too? He does not deserve to love me anymore. He is 61 and I am 50 almost 51. I can't be in the same room with him most of the time. Touching him and hugging him are the worst. I will say too that he has had prostate cancer and can't function very well, but I am pretty sure that he could function more for a man than me. We have not been intimate or sexual for about 10 years.
We can't afford to financially separate at this stage in our life, so somehow I have to find a new normal living with him and being with him as friends. Mourn a relationship and a marriage.

**Posted by OneDayAtATime** June 19, 2020 12:08 pm

I’m so sorry.
It’s the worst being stuck in the same house. I’m lucky for now I have my own room. But I have to keep things polite until I’m prepared to leave.

Is there any way you can downgrade and be able to separate? Like selling the house and just living in two separate condos or something? Is there a way you can make more money, getting creative with your free time and/ or online opportunities?

I’m working to build my business because anything is better than living with this person who doesn’t love me and blocks me from others loving me.

**Posted by Skyinautumn** June 19, 2020 12:22 pm

Unfortunately there is no possible way. We recently took equity out of our house to be able to pay off the car, and so there is little to none left. Rent is more expensive than paying for a mortgage, and he doesn't quite have enough money from his job to pay for the house and all that goes with it and so my little income helps. I definitely could not afford rent on my own with my income. I have no clue how to do anything for the extra income that I would need.