MJM017 wrote:

I felt ready to do a deep dive yesterday and found one of his Twitter accounts..... It's another step towards getting over this garbage.

MJ......it reads like you've been waiting til you know you're ready to do this....delve into the past. Because you wanted clarity? And will you be able to finally let it go without diving into his past again? Did you cry, feel sad or did you just feel nothing?

Even though my partner is still alive & we'll still together I find myself remembering and going back to those moments in the past that I thought were signposts of the personality of the man I fell in love with, quirks I thought he had and events that happened that now have a darker meaning. 

Elle

MJM017...I admire your courage and strength now..  I am not going to go back..I know what I will find, just bad stuff.   I struggle now, because she was so cruel and horrible in the end,  to remember the good times we had.   I hope you find some closure and processing and move on... we should only have to go through this once.

 

MJM017 wrote:

Who in the heck stays in the closet in San Francisco???  His parents were on the East Coast and he had no fear of them.

This is so familiar; my husband's parents would have easily accepted a gay son.  My husband's uncle had been one of the early gay activists in San Francisco; among other things he'd founded an American Legion post for gay WWII vets.  He's buried next to Harvey Milk.  I asked myself the same question, why on earth live this secret double life?  Then, I came across some of his text messages from a time after I'd confronted him, but before I'd filed for divorce.  I'd left him alone and gone to spend Thanksgiving with my daughter, and when I returned I saw that he'd gone to Palm Springs for the weekend, with a guy he was seeing.  So the two of them were discussing how the guy should lie to his own boyfriend, and at the same time I can see in another text chain, my husband is trying to arrange a hook-up with someone else in Palm Springs.  And the guy he's trying to hook up with asks him whether he's "with someone who would be upset if he knew we were together" and my husband responded "yes".

So if you're keeping track: my husband is cheating on me with his boyfriend, his boyfriend is cheating on his own boyfriend with my husband, and my husband is trying to cheat on the boyfriend with this other guy.

After I saw that, it came to me that maybe for my husband, the part he was so addicted to was actually the cheating.  He liked the thrill of an illicit life.  i'm not saying that's the case with your dead ex, but it's a possibility: this is exactly how they want their life to play out.