Posted by Roo  May 4, 2020 5:57 pm | #1 |
It's been a long, LONG time since I've posted anything. I'm still with my GIDH. I was hoping that my secondary business would financially set me free. I have been a travel agent for the past 3.5 years (right at the same time I discovered his other life). The business was circling the drain, then this virus hit. It all but dried up. Now I don't know how I'm going to get out of this mess I'm in. I'll be 60 this month. How do I even start over when things are in the tank and people are losing jobs?
He still continues to search his gay hook up sites, acts like a 6 year old when things don't go his way and just acts like a fucking asshole. I don't know how we even have friends. If they only knew!!
Hope everyone is doing well through all this quarantine BS. I'm finding the people that I thought were okay, are totally selfish pricks. Sorry for the language and thanks for listening.
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~
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Posted by Rob May 4, 2020 9:40 pm | #2 |
Hey Roo,
Sorry to hear your struggling. I think even the strongest and happy people are feeling isolatd and depressed during this time.
This pandemic is not forever.
Business is slow, for now.
You need to live where you are, for now.
I for one intend to do a lot of travel when this is all over..i think a lot of people will.
Keep working on yourself and finding comfort and strength where you can.
A sincere ehug.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
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Posted by Ellexoh_nz May 5, 2020 8:57 pm | #3 |
Roo my straightspouse friend....good to see you. Yes this virus has put a spoke in many a wheel right?
I'm still with my partner too. My resolve to never make my r'ship with him sexual EVER AGAIN hasn't
wavered however and although my future is unclear the emotional haze that used to cloud my every
question about wtf was happening is no longer there.
At this moment the people I want to be close to are not available but you can betcha I'll be visiting them all soon
as I can travel because where as once I was apprehensive to leave the house because I was anxious about what HE was doing, who HE was seeing, where HE was going....now he doesn't factor in those decisions
Did I say? wonderful to hear from you 
Elle
KIA KAHA
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Posted by Rob May 9, 2020 8:03 am | #4 |
Januc,
So you've been living with the anxiety, fear and doubt of finding him at least emotionally entangled with a man for 4 years?
The anxiety can eat you up...i know it well. I could not do it for so long. My hats off to you for being so strong.
In my situation I started therapy.
When i started physically shaking from the anxiety and distrust I went to the doctor for antidepressants. I can recommend that in the sense that we are not Gods or omnipotent beings..i did not have the strength on my own to live with a disloyal spouse and work and take care of my kids etc.
Build your support system..gather strengh..one day at a time.. Do not think you have to solve everything right now ..just be stoic and consistent for the kids. They need a sane mother right now. Slow steady steps..
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
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Posted by Roo May 10, 2020 5:30 pm | #5 |
Januceves1..I found out on Jan 1, 2017. I saw a text come in on his phone that I thought was odd and I started snooping. Oh boy, I was in shock. I could not believe what I was reading. I snooped on his work computer and looked at the search history. I went from there. I even created a fake account on a gay hook up site and found his profile. I wanted to die. It took me while..but I finally confronted him and he admitted everything. He said he didn't want to lose me. It's been a long long road, and I just don't think I can start over again. I don't know how to. I know I CAN survive on my own, I just can't take that first step.
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~
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Posted by lily May 10, 2020 7:14 pm | #6 |
It is too hard to do on your own. I felt like I was carried out of there on a stretcher. But before I got so flattened I had hired a really good lawyer and she helped me through. My cat helped me. She looked up at the ex, she looked at me, she turned on her tail and marched out of the house and pretty much never went back - I joined her in the studio.
as Rob says, step at a time, build a support team. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt, just believe yourself - you've been on the back foot, take a step forward.
wishing you all the best, Lily
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Posted by walkbymyself May 22, 2020 11:30 am | #7 |
Oh sweetie, I am so sorry you're going through everything at once. Having the upheaval in your relationship happening simultaneously with this crazy situation -- I'm just at a loss.
I have been in limbo; my divorce settlement isn't getting any closer to being finalized, and the lawyers don't seem to be in any rush, since all the courts are closed except for emergencies. But I had this realization this morning -- I might be using the pandemic as an excuse, stalling because I don't know what kind of a life I want and it's easier to say "doesn't matter, we're all in lockdown, I'll just hang out day and night watching Netflix" than stop and think -- like for example, it's Memorial Day Weekend, and in normal times I might want to plan to do something fun. But I don't HAVE fun. The lockdown gives me an excuse not to have to get out and try and make my life worthwhile, but maybe I need to start challenging myself, get out of my comfort zone.
Relinquere fraudator, vitam lucrari.
