I am so sorry for what has happened to you!

Trust is paramount. What happened was not merely a change in sexuality from your perception. It was an affair. An act(s) of infidelity. Unless you had previously agreed to an open marriage, your husband has violated your trust in a major way and your emotions are justified. I was living in a nightmare when I found out my wife had an attraction to women and had been acting on it for years. I am still crying myself to sleep frequently and it has been months. Don't beat yourself up, judge, or dismiss your emotions at this time! It will not help you to recover to take these emotions and bury or restrain them. Cry. Yell (alone, if possible).

If I could recommend some things to you, aside from the above, I offer the following:

-Write down a daily journal (in word or wherever you write) and note anything you have learned, what he has told you (how many times, what he felt about it, when it happened, etc) and your emotions and your concerns. Do this every day, even several times a day. I am not the journaling type. I don't have the discipline or time for it. But I found myself drawn to write this stuff down to keep it all straight (I was reeling too!). It helped a lot! It helped me spot lies, remember what I felt, keep some bead on my emotions. etc.

-I encourage you to look into affairrecovery.com. You can also look them up on youtube. They have a lot of great free content, including an online bootcamp my wife and I just completed after her SSA (same sex attraction) infidelity was discovered. It is not enough by itself. However, it was helpful to us and is free, so why not?

-Find someone you can talk to and confide in about this infidelity. Therapists, particularly sex therapists, are expensive. If you contact the Straight Spouse Network by phone, they may be able to put you in touch with a live meetup of people in similar situations. This was surprisingly cathartic to attend (once before COVID).

-Don't give up on yourself. I was in enough pain and hopelessness that I nearly killed myself several times. I am not the emotional, crying, suicidal thoughts type of person. I hate drama and grief. I just couldn't help it. I REALLY loved my wife. She was everything to me and, more than I even knew, she was the sunlight of my life. She wasn't my friend or lover. She was the Love of My Life down to my core. I was absolutely obliterated by her betrayal and the year of lies she put up. Please try to just get through the day, week, or hour, if things get hard. If things get really bad, call someone. Call you parents, your friends, or someone else you love and who loves you. Just cry to them on the phone and tell them whatever you need to feel relief. This is not just his story. It is yours too.

-Don't rush to make decisions now.

-Get STD tested NOW! Stop having sex with him until you know the results (just a few days) and not again if the affair behavior continues.
 

Sometimes we get tripped up by the sexual orientation factor, so it can be useful to ask yourself what would you be saying, and what would be your reaction, if your husband had been cheating with a woman.

As you try to sort out what you think you might want to do in response to this breach of trust, please look up chumplady.com

Sonata wrote:

.......  I am so miserable that I want to die but one fucking day at a time....

 

But you won't because your son needs your strength and to waste your life on a man who can't sort out his own shit without hurting his family.....well, just don't do it. Anyway...it takes a lot to step into somebody's life to help a child, I can tell you have the balls to get through this  

Have you told anybody what's happened at home? One of THE most important things is to not carry it around with you and try to figure it out by yourself. If you have somebody you know you can confide in and that they will keep your confidence do so

Elle