All,

Just wanted to give a big sincere, remote, warm e-hug to folks going though this during this no social contact time.

I know when I was going through this a touch on my shoulder in church, because i looked that sad, was enough to make me cry. 

E-hugs here are remote and distant but sincere and authentic with well wishes and no hidden agenda.   Worth so much more than the fake ones these spouses give or withhold.

Rob wrote:

.....Just wanted to give a big sincere, remote, warm e-hug to folks going though this during this no social contact time

 

Cheers Rob. I miss my grandson most
Warmth to you all. Stay safe, and  well but most importantly....be kind 

Elle
 

lily wrote:

beware the blah!...what's beneath the beige exterior, or rather what isn't there - the most painful thing we straight spouses put up with imo is being starved of affection.  
I think it's a major factor in our loss of self worth, not just the blah sex. 

There is no sex. My self worth took a leap forward when I said "no I don't want you" 

lily wrote:

...they are talking about closing down the beaches here now.  like serious don't go out at all lockdown.  Hope that doesn't happen.  It's not like there's that many people on it and everyone is social distancing.  it's so nice to be able to go down there.  

We are in a "don't go out at all except for essentials like local exercise, medical needs or to buy food" We have police patrolling our streets (unheard of!) The 1st death from Covid19 in NZ happened today. People are exercising with distancing, some aren't though
 

lily wrote:

yes I have followed your story well enough to know you aren't having sex with him any more.  My comment is that the loss of self worth we experience is down to more than the sex.  I definitely got better when I stopped sharing a bed with my ex.  But that isn't the whole picture, it is also the lack of affection.  You say you would feel differently if he were putting you down.  The way I see it, the lack of affection, it's not calling me names it was still profoundly putting me down.  , Lily

 

We're all going at this differently. I have noted a slight need for affection a couple times....like a back rub, a shoulder touch, a held-hand.......but I force myself into the present and think of what I gain by not going backwards. I did talk, a few weeks ago, about not wanting to turn into somebody who no longer felt the emotions I used to feel and that I worried I would no longer be 'me'.....but I realise I'll be different anyway I look at it and will still have warmth for those that matter
 

Hi everybody.  I know I haven't been around much, and in part it's because I'm trying not to dwell on the whole shitstorm of my divorce.  But I'm in NYC and we've been in lockdown for a while now ... honestly, I don't even really have a solid sense of time.  I'm okay, and we're able to go out and walk or run in the park as long as we maintain distance.  

My divorce (which is in California courts) is stalled right now, since the courts are closed except for emergencies.

I don't know what's going on with my husband, but he mentioned cryptically that he hadn't set foot in any building other than his own house for several days.  Apparently one of his friends has come by every few days and dropped off groceries.  So I'm not sure why he couldn't pick up his own groceries, and there may be a health issue there.

We are still trying to negotiate our final judgment, though, and Friday his llawyer sent a response letter than mentioned, among other things, that her (the lawyer's) own husband is sick with the virus.  I have to admit, my gut reaction was not even remotely empathetic or charitable.  I think I have already posted in the past how my husband once volunteered to take off work when our daughter was sick and I had a very urgent matter at work.  I stayed up all night with her, while he went off and stumbled back in at 5 a.m., and after I went to work he completely blew off all responsibility for our sick child -- didn't give her any tylenol for her fever, didn't feed her, didn't take her temperature, didn't give her liquids, didn't wipe her down with a washcloth, didn't even read her a story or make her feel loved.  I returned home at one in the afternoon and she had a raging fever; he was still in bed fast asleep.  She had spent the entire morning phoning my cellphone number over and over leaving messages begging me to come home, pleading that she didn't feel well, over and over.  I didn't get any of them because we were required to turn off our phones.

So I told my lawyer to let my husband's lawyer know that I know exactly how hard it is for a woman to keep up her professional responsibilities when there's a sick loved one at home.  I said she should ask her client what on earth I'm talking about.

Last edited by walkbymyself (March 30, 2020 8:55 am)