OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Unicorn Socks

**Posted by StraightSpouse1979** February 17, 2020 6:27 pm

How can something as small as seeing your husband in a pair of unicorn socks that makes you go over the deep end? I feel more masculine than I should in comparison to him. The more days that pass the more things that come up that he starts to wear around the house. I know it will only get worse and worse but a pair of unicorn socks made me want to just smack him and be like seriously WTH. What was something that seemed minute in the large scheme of things that made you guys want to just smack your significant other and say WTH? It is like every tiny thing just chips away at your being.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** February 17, 2020 7:13 pm

StraightSpouse1979 wrote:
How can something as small as seeing your husband in a pair of unicorn socks that makes you go over the deep end? .....

All I can say is....There will come a point when seeing something you know is a trigger....won't be one.
For myself, in the end...I used the mantra "it doesn't matter anymore" when I saw something that was questionable. Because they were his choices, not mine....and it did not matter anymore.
It took me a long time to reach that point but it's a 'letting go' of a hold, an emotional hold, that he had on me

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** February 17, 2020 10:12 pm

What you are experiencing is an assault on your sense of your own femininity and your own sexuality. This is part of the transwidow experience that is unique to our situation. I do not have any words of wisdom for you about how to endure it. All I know is that it takes a toll. I do not know if you can grieve the loss while still being subject to the trauma. If you work with veterans, you must be aware of PTSD; this is what you are experiencing, and seeing your husband is a trigger for it. I don't know if you have health insurance or access to a community health care situation, but it would be very helpful for you to get help from your doctor and/or a therapist.

**Posted by StrongerThanIKnew** February 22, 2020 8:36 am

OOHC, is right. Our partners' idea of femininity and the one they try to attain in their dressing up is usually one of hyper-femininity - one most natal-females fall short of. I see this as them not really understanding what it actually means to "be a woman." This hyper-femininity from our partners absolutely does a number on us and can make us think we aren"t feminine "enough." I have even seen women on other boards begin to question if whether or not they may be trans (or gender fluid or non-binary) because they don"t like to dress up as the way their MTF partners do. Their partners' transition often leaves them taking on the traditionally "male" role and jobs around the house so as not to make the partners dysphoria even worse. All of this has left them questioning who they are.

But is is so hard to heal when you are still subjected to the things that trigger you.
I hope you can find help. This is very hard to deal with on your own.

Last edited by StrongerThanIKnew (February 23, 2020 7:20 am)