I thought about this question a bit.

I did online dating and met my current girlfriend there.   I think I conversed with a dozen women online,met one of them and almost met another before meeting and keeping my current girlfriend.
On the sound of it is sounds like not too much dating but I can offer my reasoning if it will help.

I was alone for some time and ok but one night I thought wouldnt it be nice just to talk to someone..i really enjoy talking to people.  I don't need a girlfriend or wife but it would really nice to talk to a normal woman.

In terms of trust...i found that relative.  Nobody could  be as horrible as my GX..even if I fell in love and they dumped me..my GXs hurt was inhumane and unique.   And I was not marrying anyone..simply talking to them.  I dont know about you but I find it refreshing to talk to normal people. People without hidden agendas and deep secrets,.

I will say I learned a lot about myself from TGT. I definitely learned not to put up with abnormal..ie. If you can't hold a normal conversation online I don't think youre for me.  In a way I guess you could say I was self preserving. Any hint of narcissism and I was not interested...one could read that even in some online profiles.   I met one lady who seemed nice enough but I could not get over her pictures online looking nothing like her..maybe I was wrong but I could not put up with any dishonesty..just not what I needed. You can feel it your bones..if something is off, not right etc.   We straights dont need that.

So I dated  but it was really only after being alone and ok with myself.  It was knowing to not accept any behavior that remotely makes you uncomfortable or you think is not normal. 

Alone is perfectly ok too. I've had the best time alone..i dont lie, cheat or hurt myself.

I've been dating my boyfriend for about 8 months now. I met him online. I had gone online at the urging of a friend. I thought I'd just see what was out there, what it entailed, etc. I got about 150 messages in 2 days!! It was very overwhelming. Many of them were just awful "hey baby...I could be the one to save you" But his note was very unassuming and his profile was as well. And I won't lie, he's handsome. So I typed out a response...it sat there for about 2 hours and then something happened and I just hit send. 

We chatted back and forth for a few days and then he invited me to meet up at a coffee place. It was supposed to be an hour but we talked for three hours not realizing how much time had flown by. We went on a bunch more dates, texted and chatted on the phone a lot in between and took things slow. So slow in fact I thought he was not romantically interested. He didn't kiss me at all until about a month into seeing each other and that was just a quick peck. Finally, we were at his house and he asked if he could kiss me. My answer was "only if you really want to" which I think everyone here can understand. 

He knows why I got divorced and seems to know how to handle my vulnerability surrounding that. He seems to know when I am feeling particularly vulnerable about things and when some humor about the situation is warranted. I think the best thing I did was be honest about it all. I was deeply ashamed at how I'd been fooled for so long but he has helped me to realize I'm not the one who should be ashamed. 

As far as knowing the same thing isn't happening again, well, I'll just say that sex with someone who wants to be there with you is so far and away different than sex with someone who is pretending. I'm loving being with him and making up for all those lost years. And honestly, he's loving my response to him. 

I guess my advice would be to take things slow, be honest, and if someone isn't giving you what you need, move on. My guy has his own vulnerabilities...his ex cheated on him and I'm helping him to realize not everyone will do that to him. It's making our relationship mutually satisfying I guess. I can't seem to find the right word. But what I mean is that you can't always just focus on what your vulnerabilities are...you need to be there for someone else too. Helping him actually has helped me to realize we're all recovering from something. It's helped me a lot to not feel so alone.

 

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Last edited by OutofHisCloset (February 16, 2020 5:14 am)

I appreciate your kind words.  My 2001 car is not good enough for Uber, so that job is out.  

I suppose I can get a job of some sort.  Maybe.  

However, I have a very specific career path and had been at a decently high level in my specific field.  I had built a program from scratch over 15 years.  Getting more work of this sort is likely impossible now.