OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Finally left and unsure

**Posted by OJECPOMCO** January 12, 2020 3:21 pm

Compliments of the new year to everyone.

Last week Sunday I moved to my parents under the guise of a trip. Today, my GIDH asked after waiting for a week and we did not return. I told him he can see that it is not working. There is a guilt-tripping going on. And how he is shocked about the decision when we are not fighting.

I have felt unsure for a while. My sane mind knows this is the right step. I have made plans to begin my annulment but I am suddenly emotional after this call. Or mainly because ...... no idea comes to mind

2019... no intercourse
2018 .... twice only ( I was away for 7 months though)
He says he has got drugs to increase our sexual intercourse

**Posted by lily** January 12, 2020 3:44 pm

Hi, glad to hear you are with your parents. That takes a lot of strength.

I think the crucial element here is he is gay isn't he? he misrepresented himself from the start. drugs won't change that.

all the best, Lily

**Posted by OJECPOMCO** January 12, 2020 3:54 pm

lily wrote:
I think the crucial element here is he is gay, isn't he? he misrepresented himself from the start. drugs won't change that.

The first time when I was pregnant with my second baby, he was asking a younger man out. The second time I saw chats with another man that read emotional to me. The third time, July last year, I saw he has been watching gay porn.

When added to the no emotions, no sex, no emotions. I am left with no other conclusion. He refuses counselling, so we would never know

**Posted by Abby** January 12, 2020 4:47 pm

I think that you have seen enough to know that whatever he considers his sexual orientation to be he is not able to give you the love that makes a marriage work. Bravo to you for recognizing this and taking action to remove yourself and your children from this sad situation. Don't second-guess yourself or be pressured into giving him another chance. Life without him will be better than life with him.

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** January 12, 2020 9:18 pm

I know this was a difficult decision for you. I hope your parents can be supportive.
How's your job going? Well, I hope!

**Posted by OJECPOMCO** January 12, 2020 11:56 pm

Abby wrote:
Don't second-guess yourself or be pressured into giving him another chance. Life without him will be better than life with him.

That is my worry. What would life be like? Am I making the right decision?

**Posted by OJECPOMCO** January 13, 2020 12:01 am

OutofHisCloset wrote:
I know this was a difficult decision for you. I hope your parents can be supportive.
How's your job going? Well, I hope!

My dad and siblings are very supportive. My mom has resigned to the idea. Though the cultural perspective would have a big impact on her. I feel for her too. My new jo has been amazing. A source of joy. And also a source of blame. GIDH says i am leaving because I now have a source of livelihood and funds.

**Posted by OJECPOMCO** January 13, 2020 12:02 am

MJM017 wrote:
Am very proud of you for leaving a difficult situation. I remember your past posts, but don’t remember if your parents knew or the level of their support. Please stay there; please don’t return to the GIDH, however.

Stay strong and wishing the best for you and your children!

Actyally I ginally had to open up to everyone. I brought in my dad and siblings. They have been amazing ever since.

I just worry that if he begs me too much I will go back to him. And he has started begging.

Last edited by OJECPOMCO (January 13, 2020 12:03 am)

**Posted by Abby** January 14, 2020 4:27 pm

I said that life without him will be better than life with him because over the long run living in a cold, sexless marriage changes you over time in ways that are not good for your physical or mental health.

You will have a harder time being a competent and professional woman in your outside life and a loving and involved mother at home when you are devalued by the very person who should be your biggest fan.

Your have a loving and supportive extended family reaching out to help you but you have to take the risk of letting go.