OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Lost and alone

**Posted by BirdSolveig** January 9, 2020 5:33 pm

My TG XH and I live in the same small town. We have been divorced for many years. I'm having a problem of feeling lost in our society because the current ideology is so much in favor of LGBT rights and acceptance. He is coming out more and more and I feel inadequate and lost because I can't speak what I really feel about all of this. I don't support gay marriage, gay adoption, TG use of any bathroom or locker room, TG surgery, etc. I was seeing a therapist until I found out how much in favor she was of LGBTs. I'm finding it depressing to feel so alone, hurting and in the minority. I left a church I had been in for decades because they became strongly in favor of LGBT inclusion. I had seen him at this church dressed as a woman twice last summer. I have mental health issues and it has been very hard for me.

**Posted by Rob** January 9, 2020 8:45 pm

It must be hard seeing him. It would hard , for example, for me to see my GX in church .. It must be double so if they change sex and how they appear.

I get bitter sometimes about all the support because where is the support for the discarded spouses like us.
But I think , many of them probably did not marry a straight spouse like us. I have to respect ..say 2 gay people who know they are gay and do not marry straight people.

I would say you are not lost or alone.. your exactly who you should be ...a straight woman. We are made in Gods image. I think its important to avoid him...he is trigger. If you do see him I say hold your head high; you did nothing wrong. We are so much more than these spouses could ever comprehend.

A prayer and ehug..

**Posted by Victo** January 9, 2020 9:12 pm

What is the difference between an honest LGBTQ person and a GID person who marries an unsuspecting straight person?

Theoretically, if society was accepting of LGBTQ experiences, there would be no need for the SSN because nobody would bother living in denial.

HOWEVER, it seems that those who marry straight spouses while in denial are also suffering from severe narcissism. Watching a newly outed narcissist be rewarded for coming out is hard to do - especially since you are a victim of that narcissism.

**Posted by Whirligig** January 10, 2020 2:12 am

Victo wrote:
Theoretically, if society was accepting of LGBTQ experiences, there would be no need for the SSN because nobody would bother living in denial.

Ah, the ever-handy get-out-of-jail-free-society's-fault card. Not a fan. How convenient for them to have an excuse that absolves them of all responsibility right? While simultaneously making them stunning and brave in the very society they like to claim is to blame. That's some trick! I don't buy this as an excuse anymore. There is always a more ethical option that doesn't end up deceiving and destroying someone else.

It's a character problem in my opinion. I think it's selfishness and not lack of acceptance. Straight people have their share of those types too. It's an instant eye-roll from me when I hear this now. And the further away from the 1950's we get, the less legitimate it seems. In any event, I don't think it's an excuse for what was done to you, or any of us, really. It's so easy to think it's our fault, or society's fault, but the blame rests squarely with them, whatever excuses they hide behind. I'm just glad the lies are over for me. How sad for them that they can't say the same.

**Posted by lily** January 10, 2020 12:06 pm

if the closet were about social acceptance then why get married - when you get married you have to hide in your own home. it's a way of life. It seems to me to have more to do with fooling a straight into marrying you than hiding from social pressures.

I know this woman, she must have been very beautiful when young, these days it takes a lot of make up. She is quite open about it, oh I must always have a husband she says. It is at least number three she is married to at the moment, the way she treats him is all very cute - dress ups and pink highlights in his hair - if he were a puppy but an assault on his manhood seeing as that is what he is. Does he know she is a lesbian? I doubt it. six years later and he is looking rather stressed.

**Posted by BirdSolveig** January 10, 2020 11:25 pm

Thank you all for your kind words, support, comments and suggestions. It helps a lot. I am not so lost and alone. BIrdSolveig

**Posted by Feelinglost** January 12, 2020 1:04 pm

Maybe a fresh start somewhere else would be good for you. I know I could never live in the same town as my ex anymore. I left and won’t ever go back. Good luck to you

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** January 12, 2020 9:27 pm

Bird,
Is it possible for you to relocate? I am planning to do that myself. I retired early, but retirement was a cover for my refusal to work in a place that would discipline me if I spoke about what had happened with my ex--the university where I taught threw its institutional weight behind his desire to silence me so he could stay closeted. It was difficult enough for me to work in an atmosphere of celebrating all things trans, and I can't imagine how difficult it is for you to see him in his woman guise, while those around you refuse to acknowledge how he wrecked your life.

**Posted by BirdSolveig** January 13, 2020 7:50 am

Thanks for the suggestions. I have thought of moving but it doesn't seem possible at this point. Because of my mental health issues, moving can be quite hard on me. The best I could do would be to move to a nearby small town. I'm considering it. What you say about our society "celebrating all things trans" does bother me quite a bit. I feel so much in the minority.

**Posted by Rob** January 13, 2020 3:28 pm

Birdsolvig,

You are not a minority..they just want you to think you are.

Its important to have a safe place away from trauma..if you cant move definitely change your locks. Im 3 years out and just only feeling safe from the abuse and trauma.
Look at commuting to another church.