OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Facebook

**Posted by StraightSpouse1979** December 8, 2019 10:15 am

SO I woke up this morning with a category ten migraine because i knew something was suspicious because my separated m t f husband goes to a gay bar every other saturday. The extent of my social life is volunteering for veteran charity work and politics. So i searched his name in fb under a new fake account for myself as he has me blocked and this "chick" s page comes up with him tagged in photos. I scroll through her page and there are a ton of flirtatious comments, hes there every other weekend with her, the "chick" he went to virginia to stay at that persons house in July has come up a few times and hung out w my stb ex husband and this new "chick" that i found. It is not the fact he has a life as we are separated but he played it off like he was going to like meet ups for support groups when he is oviously enjoying a swinging social life at a bar while im home with our 5 year old daughter. He thinks what I do is the same as him. i do charity work and help with local politics. I have about six guys I could sleep with or at the least hang out with and imake every excuse in the book to avoid that. Because I just feel stupid doing that. just venting because I am so sick of everyone being so happy he is finally happy but no one comes to me and asks how I am doing without our friends and family

I have to text my mother in law today and tell her to A please dont get us our annual family ornament with our three names on it. It is sad because since we started dating it was one with just our names; then one when i was pregnant had my daughters name on my belly and then ones of us three. But, I just am trying to separate myself from these things. Also, i am not going to xmas eve. I refuse to spend a holiday pretending to be happy around his family who no one has even asked how I was doing.

**Posted by Daryl** December 8, 2019 11:27 am

Honestly, it sounds like he is setting up his new beard.Sometimes it's not such a bad thing to have no social media connections. Be well.

**Posted by StraightSpouse1979** December 8, 2019 1:07 pm

What does new beard mean?

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** December 8, 2019 2:16 pm

"Beard" is the term for a straight spouse who is being used by a gay or lesbian spouse in order to appear heterosexual. The gay/lesbian spouse is concealing their sexualty behind the straight spouse, using them for cover, the way a literal beard hides the facial features of the person who sports one, and can cover, for example, a weak chin.

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (December 8, 2019 2:17 pm)

**Posted by StraightSpouse1979** December 8, 2019 2:46 pm

then it is a poor "disguise" or beard becuase these are other transgender women. Does that make him into men then? If he is a man and they are men who present as women does that mean he is gay too? I dont know how that works but to me if i was a man with male anatomy who wanted another transgender woman with male antaomy i would think that makes you gay?

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** December 8, 2019 3:02 pm

The term "beard" doesn't apply when your trans spouse has come out. I think Daryl might have confused your situation, and thought you were married to a closeted gay man.

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (December 9, 2019 5:02 pm)

**Posted by StraightSpouse1979** December 8, 2019 3:45 pm

but on the topic of my "husband" if he is a MTF and wants other MTF who have not had surgery than wouldnt that make him gay?

**Posted by Abby** December 8, 2019 5:40 pm

Try using my mantra "whatever he is he isn't for me."

You don't have to figure out what he is: you just have to decide what you want.

**Posted by lily** December 8, 2019 7:11 pm

yes, I think it makes him gay.

**Posted by StraightSpouse1979** December 9, 2019 3:08 pm

lily wrote:
yes, I think it makes him gay.

I think so too, if you want to entertain a relationship with someone who is in any way a man to me that makes you gay too