“In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even to his ears.”

Losing my life (everything I knew and loved most in this world) was the best thing that could ever have happened to me. I’ll admit I was even ready to die (the pain and loss was that great), and in desperation I finally cried out to God who I believed in as a child but had wandered far from over the years. It took all that I suffered and lost to realise how far I had drifted and I now see what happened to me as being the best thing that could have ever happened, I only wish I had reached out to Him again sooner. I’m now reconciled back to God, I hear his voice and he has even begun to faithfully restore all that I had lost in his miraculous ways. It’s been painful as he has uncovered all of my deep hurt, failures, regrets and has made me face many things I had not been able to face alone but he has lovingly picked up the pieces of my heart and is busy remoulding it. He has completely restored my hope, joy and also restored many comforts to me and I am now filled with his spirit and experiencing him in ways I never imagined.

He is healing every last wound, there is no bitterness or confusion left whatsoever, only absolute peace, clarity and security. He has allowed me to make peace with everyone involved including my gay ex-husbands partner (who called me, out of the blue, thinking he would be met with hostility and instead was met with my peace, forgiveness and Gods love that now fills me). Whilst my genuine faith in God means that I cannot give my blessing regarding their relationship, it does enable me to show no judgement and only love towards them as people or individuals, the kind of love God has for all of us - we have ALL fallen short of God’s glory (I am just as imperfect and no more worthy of Gods love and mercy than they are and I have and will continue to pray for them even though God has allowed me to move on). God alone has the right to judge, we are called to love and forgive and in doing so we ourselves are loved, forgiven and healed from all our own transgressions.

I thought it would take years to even begin to think about the possibility of dating again, yet God brought a new man into my life right when I least expected it. One who has an intimate relationship with God himself and shares my genuine love for God and whom truly delights in me and is even able to meet those desires that were not met in my marriage (ultimately it is God who meets my needs and the deep desires of my heart and soul). It is no coincidence that God brought him into my life and God has a plan for our future together but I felt burdened to share what had become of me and my life. We are engaged and excited to start trying for a family once we are married and to see what will become of the rest of our time here on earth (living according to God’s will for our lives).

Please do not let your belief in God be determined by your belief in or acceptance of homosexuality - it is a confusing place to be if you are curious about or wish know God but fear it will making facing or coming to terms with others or your own homosexuality difficult or seemingly impossible. Irrespective of your current beliefs or acceptance around sexuality please don’t let it be the reason you resist seeking God. He is waiting for you, formed you in the womb, breathed life into you and nothing can separate us from his love for us. Cry out to him as I did, and speak to him. He is knocking at the door of your heart. He is so faithful and kind and meets us right where we are. Nothing is too great a mountain for him and nothing is hidden from him - Jesus died for us whilst we were yet sinners because of Gods great love for us. He is greater than anything we face. There is nothing he cannot put right. Don’t wait 12 years like I did and lose your whole life before you give up resisting him and finally run back into his arms and reconcile with him. It’s the safest place you will ever be. He will never ever forsake you or let you down.

“Ask and it shall be given unto you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh recieveth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.”

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea.”