Posted by lily  October 24, 2019 10:34 pm | #11 |
maybe his wife is deceiving him - maybe she's a closet lesbian. maybe he is a good and decent man.
|
Posted by OJECPOMCO October 25, 2019 1:23 am | #12 |
lily wrote:
sorry to say but your comment about your gay in denial husband feeling hurt over you is unrealistic - he is not in love with you - all it does is open the door for him to make an accusation it is your fault.
You know, the thing about sex is just
My suggestion is not to go within 10 thousand yards of having a discussion with your gay husband about control issues. Regroup instead, centre back on yourself and protect your feelings from being manipulated by him - he is not your lover, you are right not to trust him like that.
Am I right in remembering you have an aunt who offered to help you? maybe she can help you now. This is too much to handle alone really, for any of us. Glad to hear about the job - that is excellent news.
I'm really going to Steer off arguments. Because they are triggers and tend to make the kids anxious.
I initially locked up on both discussions and arguments. Leaving things just on the Financial levels. Then he started drawing closer. Making conversations on how I've ignored him. One day he asked apart from sex what exactly had he done to me. I listed everything.. Lack of connection, inability to even touch or hold him, induced fear, no quality time spent together. He said he's trying. Then this happened and I got angry. Dude went bonkers on me.
My aunt has really been helpful. Like the pillar of this journey. Her advise after the incised was that he's not my ally and doesn't need to know about my jobs or business.
My mom is still in limbo. Thinks I should forgive and love him and continue to pray for him.
|
Posted by OJECPOMCO October 25, 2019 1:59 am | #13 |
When he tells you "you want a man you control".....tell him you would rather control your own life. Omg you have a job!...that's wonderful. Can you move back with your parents?
As for the ex....sounds like another self-esteem controller, and a sweet-talker as well. He's an unnecessary added complication to a situation that already has so much going on.
You need to let go of that rope. The man at the other end will know you're done with the fight when there's no more resistance and you're nowhere to be seen
Yes, Ellexoh_nz, I'm so excited about the job. I will be paid like an expatriate. That's a lot in my country. The magic is that I've got about 2 more interviews of previous applications from international agencies lined up. I'm going to talk to my dad about moving back home. Say when the current term ends.
Ten years ago, I was with this older friend for say 2 years. I refused to commit except I knew of his status. He isn't happy but then he doesn't want the frills of divorce. But I wasn't okay with sharing then. It's even worse now that I've been in a bad marriage. I don't think I'll be willing to share also. For instance, he has this event this weekend and will be attending with his wife. The wife flew in from the US where she resides now. My saner mind knows it's no good. But he's a sweet talker really and that means he's been a strong emotional support. Saying all the things I want to hear and nobody tells me. I've not told my aunt about him. Maybe I should. I'm not sure.
While I need love. A relationship isn't the most urgent for now. Getting my career started well, so that I have financial security for myself and kids. And then seeing how best to support my autistic son.
About the resistance, sometimes I know it's a lost cause. Other times, I wonder if only he would get help things will improve. I want it to be that tried my very best. But I'm so alone. Till date I don't even know the genesis of how it started. He's just never opened up.
|
Posted by lily October 25, 2019 7:07 pm | #14 |
If it's possible then it would be good to be open about everything with your aunt - it seems like she is standing up for you and might be really useful to talk to.
Sorry to say it, I know you won't enjoy hearing it but TBH to me, the way you are talking sounds very entrenched in the marriage, and that your gay husband is rubbing your nose in it when he makes insinuations you are better off apart. Really. I get the feeling he has you exactly where he wants you and making you run rings round him. I expect you are sharing a bedroom because you sound much too spirited to have let him pull you so far back into line if you weren't.
How do I navigate life, you asked. Here is my answer - listen to yourself, your little self. You cannot walk if you cannot see your feet. If you can see where you are then you can see the next step to take in front of you, and that's all you need, one at a time.
wishing you all the best, Lily
Last edited by lily (October 25, 2019 7:08 pm)
|
Posted by Leah October 26, 2019 6:12 am | #15 |
Being vulnerable at this time really is dangerous for you OJEC, really try to rely on yourself and your parents if you can and other friends who have no interest in you romantically. Staying clear with your boundaries will help you heal faster.
And do stay away from this seemingly helpful but married and cowardly OLD ex who can't leave his wife! You are so young. He is predatory and not thinking go your needs truly. You left him for good reason before. It is all the more true now.
Let go of the rope! I love that Ellexoh, such a good image. Letting go of the rope that ties you to struggle and opposition. Look for support in those you have in your family and old friends if you can. NOT someone who has already proven themselves to be unreliable in the past!! Even though it is so difficult, you are young and strong and deserve better! Even in a patriarchal society!
Been here, wrote about it here
https://medium.com/@ModernAcu/hiding-from-your-straight-spouse-b787f13f6ff
Page: