OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / After all these years, I still get anxiety attacks

**Posted by iamthelorax** October 1, 2019 11:03 am

Hi Everyone, been a log time since I posted.

It had taken me years to realize how badly my GX messed with my head. It's been relative peace for some time now though she did her best (and succeeded) to turn the kids against me, they both live with her now. It didn't take much time for her to email me once that happened to demand child support. Obviously I'm not opposed to supporting my kids, just the situation where I'm forced to do it in this particular way.

Being the narcissist that she is, she made the request my email demanding I negociate in a way where she and I would be alone with a mediator so she can berate me...I decided instead to go through a lawyer and force her to go to court over it.

The lawyer visit went ok, lawyer provided my wife and I with a few scenarios. One of those scenarios was to have her come meet us with the lawyer. If the discussions went well, it would be the cheapest option. Like an idiot, I forgot who I was dealing with and was considering it. Once we left the lawyers' office, my wife was furious. She accused me of going back to my old ways, putting us in a position where we would have paid most of the cost for her to get child support.

It struck me that she's right. It was a stupid idea knowing who the GX is and I should have thought of it immediately. Wife is still mad, it wasn't a nice morning.

The worst part is that it took 5 minutes for me to ramp up a prize winning anxiety attack. So bad that during the night, I woke up twice with my heart pounding trough my chest. I could barely eat breakfast and almost threw up after forcing it down.

What is wrong with me!? Is this nightmare ever going to end?

**Posted by Rob** October 1, 2019 1:15 pm

Lorax,

Your wife seems to read the same handbook as all these gay spouses and cheaters..

I would not use a common lawyer in dealing with her.
You need your own lawyer representing your interest. She is not your friend anymore. Yes it Will cost money but money spent now will save you money over time and, more importantly,will save you from those anxiety attacks.

My divorce ended with my lawyer dealing with her lawyer and her screaming at both of them. My lawyers rate worth every penny that day.

Your kids will always get your support but she is no longer entitled to dictate how you support them.

**Posted by iamthelorax** October 1, 2019 2:22 pm

She has a lot of experience with these people and I've got a lot to learn from her.
The frustrating thing is that I knew walking in, what we wanted. Should have thought about it. She's quite frustrated with me too.

As for my kids, they won't speak to me now. One day maybe but for now their mother has a use for them so she's holding on.

I don't know what it's going to take to finally get this straight.

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** October 1, 2019 2:49 pm

You did nothing wrong--at least nothing that would be wrong in dealing with a rational human being. She's now made you remember exactly who she is. From now on, you know to act accordingly, in concert with that knowledge. One of the actions to take is to deal through your lawyer only, and make sure your lawyer knows what she's like to deal with and is ready to act accordingly. If not, get another lawyer.
Now breathe deep. And remember, divorce is a legal and financial transaction ONLY. Her histrionics will mean nothing to the laws.

**Posted by lily** October 1, 2019 4:57 pm

there's nothing wrong with you. really. you are not being paranoid you are experiencing anxiety and that is absolutely the correct response to the interactions with your wife. I am so sorry to hear that she has turned the children against you and now using them all over again. It is a nightmare. so sorry.

If I read your post right you have taken your wife with you to go to the lawyer. That wasn't a good idea, Rob is so right, you need your own lawyer.

keep posting here, message people if you like and keep taking one step a day to finalise things with your ex. Don't force yourself to eat when your stomach is knotted but persist in feeding yourself nice bits of food all through the day, it helps a lot to have some good food in your system.

wishing you all the best, Lily

**Posted by iamthelorax** October 1, 2019 7:11 pm

I am so sorry I miss explained this. I went with my wife, not my gay ex. My wife is mad that I had considered and was ready to try this. Still mad, actually.

We went through stupidities mediating with the GX. When she didn’t get her way, she poisoned the kids against me. Even my son, who spent his life being ignored by her and was kicked out on the street, eventually decided I’m a terrible person and now lives with her. We told him to go find an apartment because his behaviour became unacceptable. He’d visit her once a week and became aggressive for days afterward.

**Posted by lily** October 1, 2019 7:34 pm

omg Lorax - please don't tell me you've gone from the frying pan to the fire!!! I hope you are enjoying the heat!

sorry to hear about your son. it is a nightmare, this stuff.

**Posted by iamthelorax** October 1, 2019 8:14 pm

Oh the heat has been...heat lol

I was amazed to learn that the only thing covert gay exes hate more than you trying to have a normal marriage with them is you leaving them alone!

Ever since I moved on and found someone else, she has been a monster. She’d jump on any excuse to spam me with nonsense accusing me of being a bad father or a mean ex.

My wife has been amazing throughout it all but this time she’s mad at me.

**Posted by Leah** October 2, 2019 5:16 am

Sorry to hear you are still suffering the fallout Lorax! And it is hard no doubt for your new wife too to deal with the endless fall out. I hope you are ignoring her all the more now you realize/remember the truth of her rage is not about you or what you are, but simply what she is. The GX knows at some level that they are in the wrong and put a lot of energy in the direction of anyone who they can blame.

Big deep breathes.....sigh...

**Posted by Rob** October 2, 2019 6:42 am

Sorry I misread..

Do you have a legal parenting arrangement in place? A,settlement delineating support...

No these GXs do not like us being happy or moving on. They see the time, money and dependability as things they think they are still entitled to. They are not. Our kids are though. Kid text me..instantaneous reply from me..GX text me..i consider words and wait. Kid catches on fast sticking the mom on me will get them nowhere.

Im in a minority here no doubt but my kids will always get my support..they are old enough to ask directly.. Large kid expenses the GX ask for I usuaully say I will pay half.

It sucks that she poisoned them ..our kids will never know how much these gay spouses screwed them,financially..everything could have gone to the kids but now we need to take some,for ourselves to live...it breaks my heart. Its a moral fallacy these GX's live in..thinking what they did is right and the money they take is not being taken from the children.
Disrespectful teenagers/young adults particularity trample this
..really they have no idea.