Please reply with anything if you see this . I’m so sad and alone.

This is a holiday in the U.S. so it may be awhile before we wake up and check the site. The general advice though is take care of yourself first. If you are having physical effects see your doctor and let him or her know what is going on and if medication is recommended, go with it. You need to be your best self to deal with all this.

It also is important not try to go it alone. Assemble a support system. If you have family and/or friends who will be helpful, turn to them and be specific about what you need. A sitter. A partner for walks. Hot meals. A place to go to get away for awhile. See if there is a Straight Spouse group near where you live too. We are here for you but can only offer virtual hugs and you need real ones too.

Perhaps because you have been divorced before you already have a therapist and lawyer you are comfortable with. I am sorry that this has happened you again but rather than beating up on yourself consider that you have an advantage in that you have made it through before and can do it again.  

 

I feel your pain and so sorry this is happening to you and apparently me too ..just mine has not admitted it yet. I am feeling each emotion you described as well including the not able to eat, etc. i don’t have any great advice as I’m going thru it too but just try to keep your mind occupied that is what I been doing. I make myself ..it isn’t easy. I hope you can find strength and hope within this forum. It seems as tho there are so many of us suffering. Gentle hugs 🤗

This is all familiar territory to many of us when we first found out. What we thought was ahead of us has now vanished, leaving a great big question mark in it's place. The emotions are normal or else you wouldn't be human. As others have said, focus first on your health. Allow yourself time to grieve. Don't feel pressured to figure it all out asap. Build your support system. Once that is done you'll be in a better place to plan your next steps. Take it in small steps. I found the fear was bigger than the reality. One day I hope we see you rename your forum name to reflect a new you.

Yup, same story here. Sorry for a delay. What helped me:

counselor. first time i entered the room, i just cried for 5 mins and couldn't tell a word. i prepared questions, prepaired my thoughts, but when i opened my mouth, i just cried nonstop. it was 5 or 6 day she told me her news. i cried all these days hiding from our son. after the visit at counselor i don't cry at all. you need to release these emotions to someone, who may understand situation and support you.
avoid. try to avoid your spouse till you get stronger. if she lives with you, tell her, that you're very emotional now and have to understand what happens alone. and to be without her. for me it took some time to accept the idea (if it's possible at all tbh), about new her.
take rest. if it's possible, take a break at work for several days. i'm glad she told me things at the middle of my vacation, so i had a week to cry at home.
try sleep, eat and take some sedatives. even if it's homeopathic, it will help you to calm. i alomst didn't sleep and eat for first two days, first week was a hell, but later on it started to normalize. so, the worst is behind you.

about future: you'll have to release your spouse. your child would understand and support you.

and remember, you have done nothing wrong. you seem a nice and loving person. force majeure happened, so it's nothing you or your spouse could change.

Last edited by morpheus (September 2, 2019 4:41 pm)