OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / A short post that gets right to the point.

**Posted by De_Profundis** August 18, 2019 10:27 am

This was slow to load (on my phone, anyway) but a quick read and very worthwhile.

I agree with most or all of the author's points. The only thing I'm not absolutely sure about is whether I want to be referred to as a trans widow as the default setting.

I don't object at all to the phrase as such, and I think it is quite descriptive of the true situation. I am always glad when a woman in my position makes a stand like this.

It's just that I do have quite a lot of resistance to defining myself by my STBX. I have allowed so much of my life for the past couple of decades to be defined by his various neuroses, etc., and I'm trying to get out of that mindset now.

But the rest of this was spot-on for me.

https://makemorenoisemanc.wixsite.com/mysite/post/a-plea-for-help-for-feminists-from-a-trans-widow

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** August 18, 2019 11:27 am

Thank you so much for posting this!
I suppose the term "trans widow" is objected to by transactivists on the basis of our ex-spouses' supposedly being "the same person inside." But to us, a spouse who rejects his maleness, and especially those who transition and go on to insist they never be referred to again by their "dead name," is as good as dead, even if we choose not to identity ourselves by that term "trans widow."
I completely understand (and share) your desire not to be defined by your STBX's choices and neuroses; I can also understand why using the term "trans widow" would feel like a capitulation to that.

**Posted by walkbymyself** August 21, 2019 7:49 am

That is really well-written. Thanks for posting.