In the beginning, I was absolutely paranoid about being caught like I was shoplifting or something, just by posting here. I laugh it off now, I mean, my husband will do ANYTHING to avoid having to hear about how badly he hurt me. The idea that he would voluntarily go out of his way to find out how badly he hurt me, is ridiculous.
When you first make the discovery, you are in the process of learning how much your sense of normalcy was skewed and manipulated over the years. It's like you're trying to use a measuring tape to get some sense of proportionality, but the markings on the measuring tape keep changing and shifting. So you do feel like you're committing some appalling crime just by coming here and posting, because the mechanism by which you judge "reasonable" and "unreasonable" has been tampered with.
I was frantically deleting my browsing history and changing passwords at the time. Now, not so much. I do get concerned about not posting anything that might be used against me in the divorce, but I'm becoming more and more clear about how ridiculous that would be. I'm not stealing money or hiding assets, and money is the only thing at issue in this divorce. He can hardly claim I'm disparaging him, since I've taken care not to say anything that would leave him personally identifiable.
I'm fine if he wants to spy on me here, and find out what I think of him. In fact, I'd love for him to read this. I would pay money to be a fly on the wall when he reads this. But as I said, he works very hard to avoid conversations that touch on the issue of what a scumbag he has been to me.
