I'm in a similar situation and all I can say is that I think your post is the most real, amazing heart felt truth I've ever read!! It's like we've been shoved further into the closet than they are. How embarrasing and humiliating to admit to anyone that the person we married had no interest in us at all. I cant think of any other way to think about it. We were pawns in their fake life. We have to watch what we do as they just do what the want while they celebrate their life while they wreck another human like we're nothing!! Oh,but they've had a hard life. Yea, join the club of the person you chose to knowingly take down with you. Oh but that's OK.  Just getting away with it.  Ultimately they don't give shit as they don't love us . Oh yes, they say they love us but they just mean like an aunt or sister. My husband is constantly on grinder.  I found his phone and read his messages but he's still lying trying to hide it and trying to make out I'm the one with the problem? Everyone does it you know??