OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Births, Deaths and Fucked-up Relationships

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** May 27, 2019 6:36 pm

So.....I turned 61 last Friday, and to heal the strained/broken r'ship with my sister....following our mothers dementia, care and subsequent passing....I agreed to take a short trip with her on my birthday, which was also one year since Mum's death. It was a wonderful 2 days...
....and when I returned to the strained environment between my partner and I...I decided to go out for the morning and spend it with my daughter & grandson rather than be at home. Well..!!
I get an email from my partner..on my phone while out which said
"I've made a list of 60 sexual activities that we could, in theory, do. Lets score them later on and eliminate the ones that aren't acceptable" (I thought...wtf?!)
he continued "Whats left are what we can engage in and negotiate on. If we end up with only one or two that are acceptable then I think we have an issue"
This was followed by a list of activities that I stopped reading after half a page. I felt dirty.

I was astounded that he thought that the issue could be fixed with sex and no mention of the monumental lack of trust he has left me with. Just un-fucking-believable.

I've written about it here so I have a record of his absurd misjudgment of the situation. He'd better believe we have a fucking problem

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (May 27, 2019 11:52 pm)

**Posted by Duped** May 28, 2019 8:38 am

Deleted

Last edited by Duped (August 23, 2019 5:30 am)

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** June 1, 2019 4:47 pm

Omg...this morning I read through the list...
and the last thing on the list is...

"..tell our family and friends about the list.."

What the Fuck!

**Posted by OnMyOwnTwoFeet** June 2, 2019 11:59 pm

Like that is a satisfying sexual experience? To tell people how he has this crazy long brainstorm of kinky sex ideas? Ick! And ugh! Who DOES that?

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** June 3, 2019 3:17 pm

OnMyOwnTwoFeet wrote:
Like that is a satisfying sexual experience? To tell people how he has this crazy long brainstorm of kinky sex ideas? Ick! And ugh! Who DOES that?

I'm thinking the "tell other people about the list" was an attempt to appeal to what he's learnt is the value I put on talking to other people about what I'm/we are going through. I haven't asked him about it. The list has disappeared from where he'd left it , so maybe it doesn't matter. In fact..a list he made isn't as important as the lists I make (and don't show him because they aren't written to convince him to stay together any more, they're lists to better the way I feel about MY life and future. So I'd say no, it doesn't matter.

I'm off to see my counselor in a couple of days. I haven't seen her for months because I've been my own counsel, but I need to get some 'stuff' off my chest.....lol

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** June 6, 2019 3:25 pm

First a bit of background....we have a couple who live in the apartment building across the street from ours. Same floor in fact. They're a couple of voyeuristic show-offs who undress/walk around naked/have sex in full view of.....well, anybody wanting to look. Quite confronting for myself....I was once the same but I now avert my gaze and don't need to see the show.
My partner said "they're fucking look!" ...I said "not interested"....to which he said "that's disappointing"

I moved one more step away from him.....and who he is

I haven't written this out to mortify anybody and I'm not looking for comments of disgust. It's simply to record my feelings in the safe environment of this forum

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (June 6, 2019 4:18 pm)

**Posted by OnMyOwnTwoFeet** June 6, 2019 10:35 pm

Ellexoh, please forgive my “ick and ugh” comment of disgust from the other day. I did mean it as supportive, but in reading your recent comment, I now see I was inconsiderate and perhaps made things feel worse. It is a hard thing to deal with for sure.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** June 6, 2019 10:38 pm

OnMyOwnTwoFeet wrote:
Ellexoh, please forgive my “ick and ugh” comment of disgust from the other day. I did mean it as supportive, but in reading your recent comment, I now see I was inconsiderate and perhaps made things feel worse. It is a hard thing to deal with for sure.

That's an easy one to forgive