OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / confused

**Posted by confusedwife** June 13, 2016 2:48 pm

Before i start, i just want to say i have no problems with anyone gay, bi, trans, whatever but im having some issues amd really need to talk them out.

Almost 8 years ago i started dating my now husband. When we met he was a manly man. For most of the past 8 years ive listened to his negative comments about any man or woman that doesnt act "normal" according to him..

Now for the last couple of monthes he has been buying and wearing womens clothes (tshirt, tanks, leggings) hes bought makeup and now hes talking about buying a Long blond wig for himself.. I have asked him if he was gay or trans and he still says negative things about...

Im having a hard time accepting this change in him and dont know what to do.. i mean is he gay? He has mostly women friends and the only male friends that he has doesnt know about his cross dressing.. he just says hes experimenting...

Like i said i dont have a problem with other people but im having a hard time accepting this change in him and have gotten to the point i dont want to be seen with him... I know this makes me sound like a horrible person...

**Posted by Steve** June 13, 2016 4:33 pm

"A horrible person" Are you kidding me?!?!

You are NOT a horrible person. You are a woman... a straight woman I assume... who married A MAN. This is a HUGE reveal that you have had foisted on you and you shouldn't feel guilty in any way for struggling with it.

It's a sad reality that some closeted LGBT people are, or seem, very homophobic. I assume it's because of jealousy. They see people living the life they secretly want to live and they hate it.

Your husband is living in some sort of fantasy world is he thinks he can do this and that you should just see it as a bit of 'fun' or no big deal. It's a HUGE deal and if he wants to save his marriage he needs to talk to you A LOT and make sure he knows how you feel about it.

In this circumstance people here usually ask this simple question. 'Is this what you signed up for?' If it's not you need to tell your husband that and start working on solutions to what could be a marriage breaking problem. If he continues down this track - which is his prerogative to do I guess - he needs to know sooner rather than later that you might not be willing to take this journey with him.

Last edited by Steve (June 13, 2016 4:37 pm)

**Posted by confusedwife** June 14, 2016 5:41 pm

I have tried talking to him and he tells me that ad his wife i have to support him in any choices he makes. He tells me the only reason he wants long blond hair and eyeliner is because people like Sebastian Bach and Bret Michaels have it and they look good. Then he tells me that I'm a bully and that I'm not a good wife if I wont support him and that he would support me if i wanted to wear guys clothes

**Posted by Daryl** June 14, 2016 7:52 pm

And what about your choices? They matter although it seems they don't matter to your spouse. What if your choice is that you really can't be married to a cross-dresser. Someone here once said "You're not obligated to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm."

**Posted by Kel** June 15, 2016 12:14 am

Sooooo.... if what YOU want is for your husband to to dress like a man, then as your husband, isn't he supposed to support YOU??

Don't let him decide your reality. You get to be confused and upset and angry that he's changing your reality without your permission.

**Posted by Rob** June 15, 2016 7:44 am

Wow confusedwife. Your husband sounds like he's really owning his, what do we call it, new found Feminine side? His gayness.

So let's be rational and kind about this. So let's say you support him dressing like a woman and wearing makeup...ie you have say an eccentric husband. But how is he treating you? Is he kind? Does he lie and you mistrust him.

If all my ex wife was doing is dressing more like a guy and wearing no make up I'd have no pro blem with it. But she is much much worst..cheating with her girlfriend, treating me horribly,
Lying stealing..you name it.

No I'd have to agree with the others..you husband sounds like a narcissist and the gayness and treatment of you is not what you signed up for...

**Posted by confusedwife** June 15, 2016 10:21 am

I dont know. I told him i couldnt support him crossdressing last night and he threw at me that i was being prejudice... and no he isnt lying that i know of and i dont think he is cheating as he wont go anywhere without me. As for mistreating me, thats a whole different story. One of my friends has told me i need to leave him.. but that isnt for this forum

**Posted by Sam (Admin)** June 15, 2016 11:15 am

Your last reply implies there are other issues. If you are being abused, the cross dressing issue is not the most important. Please take care of yourself and explore your options. If you trust your friend you should probably listen.

**Posted by confusedwife** June 15, 2016 11:25 am

Not being abused, just an unhappy marriage... and the crossdressing adds to it because he gets to do what he wants and im supposed to support him but if i want to do something he doesnt want me doing then i have to stop.. example: all my friends from school stopped talking to me because i wasnt allowed to hang out with them as a wifes place is at home.. when i was working i had to quit because he wanted me home more.. now that ive been unemployed for 4 years he wants me to go back to work yet the town i live in literally has no job and as i cant drive i cant go to another town to work.. thats just a couple examples

**Posted by Rob** June 15, 2016 12:09 pm

Don't be too hard on yourself. We all try to make our spouses happy in a marriage. He doesn't seem to be considering you. You may have to leave him. If my lezex had come to me and said she was unhappy in the marriage..I would have done anything for her. But she simply started having a gay affair...then she tried to tell me how I never listened to how unhappy she was.. untrue...she never said anything and even if she was unhappy that does not justify becoming gay and having an affair. We seemed to get blamed for all troubles in their lives.

You can't stop him from cross dressing.. but that doesnt mean you have to live with it....its not normal... I have no desire to cross dress. Take care of you... someone has to look out for you.