OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / I hate him!

**Posted by Roo** May 15, 2019 1:19 pm

It's not something that I thought I would ever say...but I think I really hate him. I hate his attitude..he's always angry and gets pissed at everything. Throws things, breaks things and just acts like a 6 year old. I can't stand it anymore, yet I don't do anything about it. There is no way, financially I can get out of this mess. I've been trying...and failing. My heart constantly hurts. I don't know what to do anymore.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** May 15, 2019 1:55 pm

I send all my love, strength, good vibes and best wishes Roo.
While my partner tries, in his reserved, not-sure-why-I-have-to-do-this way to accept my sadness and mistrust and, like last night, appear consoling and concerned....
it doesn't change how I feel. I am sad, I do mistrust him. Nothing will change that.
I don't love him, (not ready to hate him) but can't quite visualise how all the things I love, which are made easier via the life we live, will fit into a life made much smaller, tighter and less convenient
Do you leave and take time away from him often. Visit people, a weekend away, a day away from the house, him?

I love that Haruki quote!

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (May 15, 2019 1:57 pm)

**Posted by vicky** May 15, 2019 2:50 pm

Wow this couldn't be more appropriate to how I'm feeling lately. It doesn't even have anything to do with the sexuality thing. I drop what I'm doing to help him figure something out and he is rude and snaps at every thing I say, I tidy up and he snaps about that, whatever I do he is snippy with me. Everyone else gets the nice version of him and I get the shitty leftovers. A few weeks ago my child said something about daddy's rages and I said 'what about mommy's rages' and he said ' you don't have rages'
I asked him that because I was curious to see how he sees us, so obviously I'm not the one with issues.
Roo, sorry you're going through a similar thing, I don't necessarily have any advice just some sympathy for you. It's just a bad day today. I want to leave for these reasons more so than even the sexuality but I also can't for financial reasons. I'm hoping he gets an income boost soon so I can at least have some options.
Vicky

**Posted by StraightSpouse1979** May 15, 2019 2:57 pm

I do not know if i am at the i hate him phase. I hate what he has done to not only himself but to our relationship, our marriage. I do not think I am IN LOVE with him anymore. I have thought a lot lately and I think that the out of love thing was before all this happened if I am being honest about everything but now it is just where i am so isolated and have no affection. We at least were able to cuddle and watch television, kiss and have intimacy. Now i am just living here like a stranger in my own life.

**Posted by Roo** May 15, 2019 5:14 pm

vicky wrote:
Everyone else gets the nice version of him and I get the shitty leftovers.
Vicky

Same with me, although some do think he is quite the asshole LOL!

**Posted by Roo** May 15, 2019 5:19 pm

I get no affection. When he wants sex, that's all it is. No intimacy AT ALL. Not even a hug. That is what I need right now .. I just want a big hug from SOMEONE at this point.
It's the same thing every night. We have dinner, he goes out on the porch to watch baseball and smoke a stinky ass cigar.

**Posted by Rob** May 15, 2019 8:40 pm

Roo,

Sending you big hugs. The first thing I noticed when I attending my first SSN in person group was the hugs. Its like they knew I didnt get any and I was deserving of sincere authentic hugs. I think we all are.
And these spouses are neither sincere nor authentic.. Much of my trauma was not TGT but the false "I love yous" and false hugs.
I then spend 2 years getting the silent treatment and/or rage... To this day I get rage and anger from my GX when I need to contact her...and its been years..

I think your feeling the weight of him thinking he is morally right and you knowing in your bones and reality that he is not.. Don't think for a minute that you are the cause of any of this. Know that it cannot be forever.

e-hugs (virtual but sincere and authentic)

Last edited by Rob (May 15, 2019 8:42 pm)

**Posted by Roo** May 21, 2019 4:57 pm

Thank you Rob! I would love to go to a meeting if there was one in my area, but then again, I own a business and I would be afraid I would see someone I know.

**Posted by Brokenhearted** June 2, 2019 9:40 pm

Amen, trust is gone, stuck in a residence and communicating with someone who by all accounts is rowing against the tide. Its rhe worst part. I’m captain of the dinghy boat, riding in theIr wake just for the sake of the passengers (kids).