OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Finding myself again ...

**Posted by a_dads_straight_journey** April 27, 2019 7:28 am

I’ve written my story and found this site. I married again in March and am building a new life. Still have flashbacks but they are less emotional and more objective now ( the way a bad dream feels when you wake up and realize it was a dream). I can see the magnitude of the lie objectively and move on.

Recently I am finding memories of my MOM are fading and memories (positive ones) of my life before MOM are re-emerging and becoming much more vivid.

Just an observation ... perhaps part of the healing process.

Last edited by a_dads_straight_journey (April 27, 2019 7:29 am)

**Posted by Rob** April 27, 2019 10:54 am

Yes.. it took me so long to learn how to live on my own ..I was so co-dependent. Who was I before I met her so long ago in school? I was in my teens.

I'm doing ok... only the occasional interactions with her trigger me. I try to remember the happy times before TGT.

Yes , my new life has so many happy things that are vivid and make me smile.

**Posted by OnMyOwnTwoFeet** April 28, 2019 4:00 pm

ADad'sJourney,
Thanks for this post. Sometimes I have memories of the person I was, and the person I hoped to be. Not just before marriage (mine is 28 yrs now), but also memories from during marriage--of who I was, who I thought I was, who I wanted to be, what I love, etc. There is a lot of control and criticism in my marriage too, and a spouse who has taken away from me--in various ways--most of the things I found joy in. Those memories of me and my dreams and my core--those keep me going but also are harder and harder to tap into during this time of crisis. I often wonder if I will ever find any part of me again at all. So your post was really helpful. Thanks.

**Posted by a_dads_straight_journey** April 28, 2019 4:50 pm

I’m glad it helped. When she left 5 years ago I packed all my photos and put them in a closet. About a year ago I retrieved all the photos pre-ex and organized them again and made them accessible. Occasionally I’ll post one on FB and the response affirms me as me.

I hope this makes some sense. I think it’s about finding something tangible that lets you hold onto you.

As I’ve said, the further I get from my first marriage the more absurd i realize the denial was. We are navigating absurdity as we heal.