Yep!  I lived with the roller coaster of anger/depression/manic behaviors.  They got worse over the years and the abuse left the realm of mental and emotional and crossed into the physical.  By then he was running around with guys but still denying to me.  They get real sneaky!  The narcissistic/sociopathic personality is a master at using anger and depression to control you.  Once I learned of their goal to get your pity so they can get away with their behavior I was able to begin extracting myself from my ex’s life.  One of the things that I now clearly see if how the spouses of homosexuals are so clearly groomed to tolerate the abuse and defend the abuser.  It’s a journey to get yourself healthy but you can get there!

Baffled is spot on there, Mrs Beardsley!  Why are you so worried about his illness?  Are you trying to be a caring and kind wife, errr beard?  Don't.  How are you?  What do you want?  A positive and loving partner?  Then find another one, cause hun, this one is a bit of a dud.  These people are energy vampires and staying through abuse and gaslighting is not kind or helpful to either of you.  I was Mrs Faithful Devoted Wifelet.  It was a recipe for being used endlessly to facilitate HIS lifes.  Manipulation is hard to spot when you are so close to the source.  So get some distance.  Just leave him or the room when he is whining or sad or just being a downer.  Life is short.  Go do something that lights your fire.  

Total responsibility - you have for YOU and he has for HIMSELF.  He is not a child.  You are not responsible for him.  Marriage is a partnership not slavery.  And in this scenario the ruse is to get you to feed him and his story of woe is me.  Oh poor poor me.... I'm a sexually confused person.  Yea, so.  Lots of people are and they have to figure it out for THEMSELVES.  He is responsible for his feelings and changing his life situation.  As are you.  Independently.  Together is sometimes just too hard.  Don't get pulled down.  It is really not your problem anymore.  You can just leave him to it.  Start now to get some distance.  To work towards independence.  You can do a little each day on your own to help prepare you and strengthen yourself (physically is good!).  

You can change your life.  It is hard, but you get to choose how you will live this one precious life.  Choose well.  Good luck. 

Hi Leah and Rob  thank you.  I do my best to get away from him, i find it theraputic to occasionally go out for a drive and with closed windows, scream at the loudest possible top of my lungs!!   Aside from that I do have outside interests - classes, etc.   Leah i so can relate to Mrs Faithful Devoted Wifelet!   At least now I finally KNOW that these bouts of depression are NOT because of me.  And thank you Rob for reminding me it's not forever.  Bless you both