OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Me, him and the elephant in the room

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** September 19, 2018 8:00 pm

It sits between us, that elephant, when we talk. It lies between us in the bed at night. It colours every single thought
I have about him, and clouds my future
I'm off this afternoon to see the counselor I was seeing a few months ago. When we first saw her...as individuals and as a couple...she asked us to measure our individual wish for our r'ship to work..as a percentage. We both said 100%
I can say now, for me, it's less......

....to be continued

**Posted by YazPistachio** October 18, 2018 7:08 pm

In another thread, I recommended the book, The All or Nothing Marriage, by Eli Finkel. I'd like to recommend it to you, as well. It really does lay out clearly the ways our expectations of marriage has changed over the centuries, and the concurrent stress and joy of mutually attempting the highest level of marriage, where both partners lean on each other and use the marriage as a source of inspiration for their individual self-awareness and aspirations. It's pretty intense, but it also gives a LOT of resources and information on how to map out a path to this idealized partnership. If you both believe you can get back to that 100% level, you may find this book to be of some use to you.

I honestly wish you both the best as you traverse this challenging time in your marriage. However it ends up, I hope you both find peace and happiness.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** October 18, 2018 9:09 pm

YazPistachio wrote:
In another thread, I recommended the book, The All or Nothing Marriage, by Eli Finkel. I'd like to recommend it to you, as well......
I honestly wish you both the best as you traverse this challenging time in your marriage. However it ends up, I hope you both find peace and happiness.

I bookmarked it for later. Thanks for your well-wishes too, this is one of the most challenging experiences I have known.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** March 7, 2019 2:17 pm

Finally worked out how to make the Elephant in the Room my Avatar

**Posted by ThisSeason** March 9, 2019 11:47 am

I hope counseling goes well Ellexoh

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** March 9, 2019 1:02 pm

Season....I used this old thread about the elephant in the room simply to finally show my techy skills had improved and I'd managed to attach the elephant thumbnail to my profile.
Sorry for any confusion. We tried counseling ages ago. It didn't work, but we're in a comfortable-enough space at the moment where
my partner has promised monogamy,
I have to trust he means it,
but in the meantime I get strategies in place for when, if ever, it all turns to shit.

Apologies again for any misunderstanding

**Posted by ThisSeason** March 11, 2019 1:57 pm

Ah, my mistake for not noticing the dates.
I do like the new avatar.

Best of luck to you on the MOM. As much as the numbers seem to be against MOMs working out successful, my wife and I are trying to go that direction. Although for us, it is not a very linear progression, many times we've made progress only to then take steps backwards.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** March 11, 2019 3:52 pm

ThisSeason wrote:
......Best of luck to you on the MOM. As much as the numbers seem to be against MOMs working out successful, my wife and I are trying to go that direction. Although for us, it is not a very linear progression, many times we've made progress only to then take steps backwards.

I know what you mean....1 step forward, 2 steps back and a skip to the side! just to unbalance the world..!!
I've thought a lot about it.....read a lot, been to counselors, imagined the worst/hoped for the best, felt too weak to move and strong enough to think I can see a light at the end of this tunnel I'm in. There hasn't been a defining moment of "That's it, I'm done, I'm out of here" however.....and this is what I would need as an impetus to make a change.

Season...are you and your wife set on a monogamous MOM.....or....?