OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / SSN Feedback Request

**Posted by phoenix** March 4, 2019 12:02 pm

Abby wrote:
I wish that the Straight Spouse Forum could find a way to reach out couples about possible red flags that their love interest has same-sex attractions and what that can mean for the relationship. Articles and stories in magazines such Cosmopolitan, Glamor and even Good Housekeeping. Magazines aimed at clergy too encouraging them to bring this up in premarital counseling??

I think there are several types of women at risk: young women who have only dated this one person who they consider their best friend; women who consider themselves open-minded and this is proof of it, and women who are seeking financial stability and think that is all they want.

There's nothing wrong with someone having same sex attractions. It is what it is. When in an intimate and/or romantic relationship with a person of the opposite sex however it needs to be known and accepted by both parties because otherwise it will be a ticking time bomb. Sex drives do not disappear with age. Rejection does hurt.

I think we've had a few threads in the past that talk about "red flags" or "warning signs". Try the search function and see what you can find. We have to tread a bit lightly on this topic because we want to be careful not to stereotype or judge people in the process of protecting potential straight spouses.

**Posted by phoenix** March 4, 2019 12:04 pm

finallyfree wrote:
I am desperate for a support group. A face to face meeting with other straight spouses. I was sooo excited when I found SSN and saw that there are support groups available in many cities, but I can’t seem to get a reply. 🙁

This site is not as active as I would have hoped, but I know that can’t be helped. Maybe it would benefit some if there was a regional section in the message boards. Where people could reach out with other people in their area. To even take it a step further… If new members could be assigned a mentor to help guide them to resources available to them.

I'm sorry for the delay finallyfree. Our triage and face-to-face network coordinators are revamping their processes currently and that might lead to a little delay. But they are trying their best to handle the volume of requests as quick as possible. If you want, please send me an instant message and I can try to make a call to the triage leader myself to see what the status is.

Thanks and sorry!

**Posted by ByHisWounds** March 4, 2019 12:53 pm

A resource page that experienced members could contribute to would be helpful.

Suggested readings would be great as well as a list of non straightspouse support groups (I am currently in a DivorceCare support group with a local church as that is the closest to a straightspouse support group in the area I have found).

It would also be beneficial to have resources for parents. I had a lot of questions regarding how to have discussions with my kids (thanks forum for tbt help) and In addition to my own care both my kids are in counseling. My children’s counselors have shared there is some challenge in how to beat approach how complex the family situation is.

Last edited by ByHisWounds (March 4, 2019 12:56 pm)

**Posted by Haven** March 4, 2019 6:15 pm

I am very new to the network but finding it very helpful. I'm very appreciative of the "Voices" podcasts, listening to 2-3 a day, will be through all of them soon at this rate. I'm hopeful to get connected with a local support group soon but there seems to be some transition in group leaders in my area. Just got on the forum but expect that will be helpful also. Thanks a bunch for being here!

**Posted by gonzo2000** March 5, 2019 6:40 pm

Hi Phoenix & Out of His Closet, I have tried to locate the site for adult children, without success. Please send me the link.

**Posted by drewch** March 6, 2019 1:06 pm

I'd love a way to more easily find other men in this situation, who have a wife who is bisexual or a lesbian. I understand that it's something like 80%/20% women to men who find themselves in this situation, and as a member of the 20%, it would be nice to be able to find the others' stories and posts more easily.

No offense to the ladies - I know that there are parallels whether you are a straight husband or a straight wife, but right now, this early on in the process for me, I want to hear from the husbands mainly, since I am one.

**Posted by lily** March 6, 2019 4:46 pm

Hi drewch - 20%? Though there could be a smaller percentage of married women admitting to being gay I would imagine being in the closet is pretty equal numbers between the sexes - just seems logical to me. In terms of admitting it, it seems to me it is changing now, the lesbians are feeling very empowered and many are coming out of the closet in their middle years.

good luck with it all - you are right it is good to hear from the other husbands now.

all the best, Lily

Last edited by lily (March 6, 2019 4:47 pm)

**Posted by Roo** March 17, 2019 10:16 am

I wish I could find some new(er) information on our situation. A lot of it I see by doing a Google search is more in support for the bi/gay/transgender spouse. It's as if WE don't count. And to read the comments from people that have not gone through this just aggravates me.