OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / SSN Feedback Request

**Posted by phoenix** February 23, 2019 12:26 pm

Hey Gang, I'd like to share a request for feedback and constructive criticism from the SSN Board of Directors. If you would please share your honest opinions on what we are doing well and what we need to do better. I and the rest of the board would be very grateful!

"Dear str8s, what are the ways that you already feel supported and what are the ways that you would like support in the future?

The Straight Spouse Network (straightspouse.org) is in the process of ensuring we are meeting straight spouses’ needs, now and in the future. Your feedback is vital for this process. Its board will evaluate all your suggestions and take the necessary action in the coming months. SSN is interested in obtaining feedback about how we can support straight spouses, and this forum is a valuable source for feedback as we are all working toward the same goal of supporting straights. At present, SSN offers resources through its website, through the SSN Voices podcast, this anonymous public open forum, and a contact center to connect str8s to local facilitators and group meetings. Thanks in advance for your feedback. (Nobody’s name or personal information would be shared - only the general ideas you have to share.)"

Last edited by phoenix (February 23, 2019 12:28 pm)

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** February 25, 2019 2:15 am

There isn't any more support as such...That I can think of to ask for, I feel very far away from you all down here in New Zealand.

But having the Forum as a soundboard has been invaluable

**Posted by Abby** February 25, 2019 11:16 am

I wish that the Straight Spouse Forum could find a way to reach out couples about possible red flags that their love interest has same-sex attractions and what that can mean for the relationship. Articles and stories in magazines such Cosmopolitan, Glamor and even Good Housekeeping. Magazines aimed at clergy too encouraging them to bring this up in premarital counseling??

I think there are several types of women at risk: young women who have only dated this one person who they consider their best friend; women who consider themselves open-minded and this is proof of it, and women who are seeking financial stability and think that is all they want.

There's nothing wrong with someone having same sex attractions. It is what it is. When in an intimate and/or romantic relationship with a person of the opposite sex however it needs to be known and accepted by both parties because otherwise it will be a ticking time bomb. Sex drives do not disappear with age. Rejection does hurt.

**Posted by vicky** February 25, 2019 1:30 pm

What about a link to local resources such as counselors who specialize in this type of thing. I feel like a lot of people come here saying they're looking for a counsellor.

What about a more visible link to in person SSN meetings. There is a link to it buried in the first aid kit but I think it should be right on the front page in the blurb at the top.

Vicky

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** February 25, 2019 1:51 pm

Abby wrote:
I wish that the Straight Spouse Forum could find a way to reach out couples about possible red flags that their love interest has same-sex attractions ......

I never see anything in mainstream media....ie; my everyday newspaper, internet, magazine reading....about straightspouses and the challenges they face. It's a subject not talked about til it's the only thing on your mind!
I think the only way we can get word out there to people heading for a situation they're not prepared for is to have more articles published in the Media. More discussion. And we all know how difficult a topic this is to raise in a group
of peers

**Posted by gonzo2000** March 1, 2019 11:55 pm

I agree that same sex attractions should be discussed during premarital seminars/workshops.
I was 1 of those "good Catholic" young women who had decided to "save myself for marriage", so had no experience with sexual intimacy. When my fiance told me he also was a virgin, I believed him; figured that if I had waited, so could he. I was 25, he was 27.
In hindsight, I realize that he needed a wife in order to advance his career with a very conservative British multinational insurance company.
After almost 18 years of marriage, he told me that he wanted to explore his homosexual feelings. By then we had 2 children. He also told me that he had spoken to 2 Christian ministers. The Catholic priest told him, "Marry her and you will realize you aren't gay." The Christian minister told him to be honest with me. Guess whose advice he followed, the coward. I realize that was over 30 years ago, and homosexuality is more accepted in Western society. But there are still too many people being hurt by the secrets. It is not okay that straight spouses & their children are collateral damage...
Is there a site for the children of MOMs? I am sure my now adult children (particularly my son) are struggling with "issues" as a result of growing up in such a home.

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** March 2, 2019 8:42 am

I posted the following a little while ago on the thread "Breaking the News to Your Kids": on the main straight spouse page there's a link for children, and if you click it, you'll see that one such child has created a website for other children. One section of it is Q and A, where the children post their responses to a series of questions. There is no question about "knowing or not knowing," but the replies to the existing questions are enlightening, and perhaps the site's creator would be open to posing that question about whether it's better to know the truth.

**Posted by finallyfree** March 2, 2019 8:21 pm

I am desperate for a support group. A face to face meeting with other straight spouses. I was sooo excited when I found SSN and saw that there are support groups available in many cities, but I can’t seem to get a reply. 🙁

This site is not as active as I would have hoped, but I know that can’t be helped. Maybe it would benefit some if there was a regional section in the message boards. Where people could reach out with other people in their area. To even take it a step further… If new members could be assigned a mentor to help guide them to resources available to them.

**Posted by Olebeecharmer** March 2, 2019 10:49 pm

vicky wrote:
What about a link to local resources such as counselors who specialize in this type of thing.

I just wanted to second this. I live in a very red, very religious state. I've been in and out of therapy all my life but it is hell trying to find therapists here who understand LGBTQ+ issues. Growing a list of 'safe' counselors would be an amazing resource.

**Posted by phoenix** March 4, 2019 12:00 pm

vicky wrote:
What about a link to local resources such as counselors who specialize in this type of thing. I feel like a lot of people come here saying they're looking for a counsellor.

What about a more visible link to in person SSN meetings. There is a link to it buried in the first aid kit but I think it should be right on the front page in the blurb at the top.

Vicky

Vicky, this is a great idea. It's something we've been discussing for quite a while as a board. The challenge is that we are not equipped to properly vet the recommendations for counselors. As a rule the SSN doesn't make recommendations for any professionals. We fully recognize the importance and we want to help people in need find this incredibly valuable resource, but we have to think of a way to do it correctly. The latest discussion is simply creating a place for people to "crowdsource" and make their own recommendations for others independent of any official SSN nod.

We'll keep working on this