OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Husband confirmed that he is gay after 32 years of marriage

**Posted by Rg** November 26, 2018 8:35 pm

A little adrift-I'm new here and just saw your story. It sounds very similar to mine. Married for 33 years and he's been doing crazy things for the past year and a half. Went away 3 different times this year for a total of 25 days with a man. Started out saying he was questioning his sexuality, then he was bisexual and now I say gay. He just moved out a few weeks ago and I am going to file for divorce. But I still have all of the same emotions-the disbelief, crying all the time, not wanting to get out of bed, etc. It is the most unbelievably hard journey. Even though what he did was awful I still miss him (or having a partner). I too, thought my future was going to be spent together but he has robbed me of not only the future but the past memories as well. I am scared for what will happen financially as well as emotionally. I wish you strength in the days ahead. If you ever want to chat privately, let me know. Take Care

**Posted by Mimi** December 23, 2018 12:16 pm

AlittleDrift

I can relate with your story and others here on this thread. I too love my husband and shared a great life (until a few years ago). We had less and less sex until it was twice a year. I found gay hookup sites and profiles, Craigslist ads and all. He said it’s all curiosity and now he says he’s bi. He wants to be with me and wants me to stay. He says he loves me. But you know at some point putting aside TGT, you have to decide what’s important to you. What marriage means to you. I decided that love is not enough, I want to feel desired, adored and sexually satisfied. Also if you “love” someone you don’t hide a secret this big from them to make them stay. When he kept that secret from you, he made a decision for you right then and there. He decided that you should stay married to a gay husband. So from this point on, decide only what’s best for you. Good luck and we’re all here for you.

**Posted by birdboxed** February 20, 2019 11:41 pm

I am very new to this. After 34 years of marriage, he finally apologized for an incident that happened 24 years ago. I think that was in 1995. After this incident, we stopped having sex altogether -- or at least with each other. I don't know what he's done in the last quarter decade. I have just been sad. I think it's all coming to an end now. He has so much resentment for me and I think he blames me that he wasn't able to be himself all these years. We have so many problems, I just don't know where to start. I was thinking we'd try to make this work for the sake of our children and now grandchildren, but try to have an open marriage. I want so much for a man to really want me. I dream of this. I've even thought about writing a dating profile and under what I'm looking for, I would just say "please just be a man and don't be gay -- a pretty low bar." I need help!

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** February 21, 2019 1:22 am

birdboxed wrote:
I am very new to this......

Welcome to the Forum BB. If you attempt an open r'ship you have to be doing it with all information on the table, both prepared to be honest with each other. No sex since 1995? And sad? If he's been getting it elsewhere your marriage is open already. It just isn't honest. And an open r'ship will not stop the sadness.
Where do you start? With yourself BB. If you've kept all this to yourself....you need to open up. A friend, sister, brother,a counselor. It's so important to have people on your side.
Read as much on the Forum as you can. I know this is hard.....will be hard, for months. I don't know how you've held this all together for so long!

Start thinking of yourself...what this is and may do to you. Tell someone what's happening.